My life begins tomorrow..

I am quite determined heading my way to  confirm my schedule tomorrow.

 Comforting myself and reminding me that everything will be fine and that nothing happens without a good reason.

While on my way, I keep reminding myself that God has been with me for the past 29 years why would He leave me for just a day? 

Just a thought of those electrodes coming into my body testing my nerves makes me weaker, but hey! I know I can still smile.

After tomorrow, I know things will change but some facts will always remain...God really loves and trust me. He let me experience all of this to tell the world, how much He loves me.

10913

I simply live because of you

I simply live to thank you for all you've done

For showing the world, your works not mine.

I simply live to give you all

When time comes that You will call

I simply live to do your will

When all has done and dreams are real

I simply live to love and care

To tell the world that you are there.

I have no reasons of feeling blue

For the world You have given me is true

Beyond compare, Your greatness flew

I simply live because of You..

-imrac

#takingtime

Battling Uncertainties

Tears are falling, I really want to ask Him why me? But my heart tells me everything has a reason and that He never let things happen without a good cause.

Everyday, the pain is killing me. Those shots were enough to make me jump from the highest mountain and tell the world..it hurts. But I need to hold on.

Early morning, I'm waking up smiling in front of the mirror while tears continue flowing..thank God for another day.

I can bear it no more, but I still hold on until I am enlightened of His reasons.

You can imagine each day I smile but tears are flowing..my body is aching.

I'll get better soon..

If forcing myself to get well and get back to work after 6 days of rest due to illness is a crime, then I am guilty.

Since, the word "force"has been the introduction, I must say that I did forced everything that results into this sickness.

First, I forced myself to work even late nights though I felt that my body cries for rest.

Second, I forced myself to push everything until my eyes and my brains get satisfied to the results of my visions and objectives.

Third, I forced myself to believe that I am fed up of my work routine and that I hate it anymore when In fact, I am just tired and needs rest for a while.

Lessons learned from forcing?

1. That my thoughts are appreciated by those people who don't knew me well. Thanks for the "get well soons" messages. It makes me feel better.

2. That I love my work very much. 

3. That I almost forgot I am no super human and that illness and sickness will strike at any point in time if I get abusive of my body.

4. That my boyfriend Ross love me so much as well as my mom.

5. That I have the power to create a better place out of disparity.

Life can be understood backward, but should be live forward. I'll get better soon! 

She's weaker now

She never complain

She never asked for anything

She never frown

She wears her winning crown

She had it along the way

She kept it as water sprite fills the air

She turned everything into fairy tale

She wept

She cried

She hide

She ran

She's on you..

She's buying her time

Counting the days, counting all the signs..

She thanks you for reading her mind.

*Nobotsotres

The Pond

From above, I can here the chattering of the crowd. The rhythm from of a European song filled the air, I can sense the warm and cozy environment, the group of friends chatting and telling stories of their entire week is filling the couches.

Silence. I can hear my heart beats faster more that I thought it could've. It's "thugs..thugs" we're exchanged by slow sighs and nevertheless the feeling no one can actually explain.

Sadness, there are sobs, silent sobs.

The pond, it was a man made pond. The couple are standing at the corner, I can hear their laughter, the sound of waters flowing beneath their hearts seems to be a lovely melody that my heart longs to hear.

Imprisoned.

Tap on my shoulder..

I cannot deny the fact that I am facing difficulties nowadays. Everything seems absurd, tiring and hurting. I really don’t know if the words am writing now is the best way to show up everything, but at least, I think it’s the best comfort I can have.

Finding me is really tough. It’s as if walking every path not chosen by anyone, challenging every challenge, making complicated things becomes more complicated.  Choosing to be good when you want to be bad. Taking the lead when you want to be on the background.

Accepting blame when you really had no idea at all, accepting pain, when you don’t deserve it either.

Life is cruel.  

Passers-by (Rx)

I lost my iPod today. It’s the second time I lost a quite expensive and very useful gadget for me. Upon arriving at my office, I really feel dis organized, my focus at work weren't there, if not only for my deadlines and the fact that my boss will be in the office today, I will certainly go home and get myself sobs in my pillows.

Late afternoon, I happen to pass by some of the treasured conversation in my Yahoo Messenger account. I mean treasured because I save a lot of chats with some very significant people in my life.

Without much putting attention to the contacts, I bumped to something I didn't know were saved in my conversation history. And I realized, those are few moments of being oriented into a complete stranger that had changed my perspective in life completely.

It was a conversation that started from a medical checkup, and I didn't realize that it was actually a year ago exactly the same month, a day after. It all started from a one liner conversation about health, about petty issues and about a dress. Funny, but it’s true, as I review the entire conversation, it all started from the comfy-dress.

And since that day, my medical and health perspective changed, I became more conscious about my health, about the things and pains I felt all over my body. I can say that those few encounters helped me a lot to understand and appreciate medical profession. It takes away my doubts and katamaran to see a doctor.

At the end of the day, I realized one thing, that all of us are merely passers-by and that every moments of our lives being shared whether with strangers or someone dear to us is something significant in the chapters of our lives. Life is indeed a journey, and that every journey has its chapter..just like the one I read back now.

12 Things I'm afraid of..

 ..... no one will hold you when you’re down

......... no one will hug you when you need someone to comfort you

............ no one will understand you the way I perfectly do

............... no one will believe you the way  I did from the start

................. no one will tell you stories when you are tired enough

.................. no one will tell you how bad your day is

.................... no one will return your call

....................... no one will be there to catch you when you fall

......................... no one will be there to say “you look ugly and old, but I still love you”

........................... no one will tell how much you’re worth

............................. no one will be there to take care of you when you grow old..

And the ultimate fear that I realized I must face..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Someone will take all these fears and conquers you.

Katapusan ng Simula...

Saan ba natatapos ang isang tula?

Kapag ba naintindihan ito ng lahat ng nakabasang madla?

Hanggang saan ba natatapos ang isang tula

Kapag ba pumanaw na ang may likha?

Saan nga ba nagsisimula ang isang saknong?

Sa taludtod ba ng bawat pusong nagtatanong?

Sa mundong balot ng hinaing at galit ng panahon?

Saan matatapos ang tulang nagsusumbong?

Saan magsisimula ang isang tugma?

Sa isipan ba o sa puso ng mismong gumawa?

Sa saliw ba ng musikang pilit na dinaraya

     ng tiim na damdaming sya lamang ang may nasa?

Saan nagtatapos ang isang saknong?

Sa bawat luha ba na pilit na ikinakanlong?

O sa bawat ngiting pinipilit iguhit ng alon?

Hanggang saan ba ang isang tula?

Kung hindi nya makita ang tunay nyang mukha?

No rooms for "Hi" nor "Goodbye.."

Early this morning, I was stuck in a question, and honestly, it felt like it was the hardest question I have ever heard.

I cannot make it in full detail, but it has something to do with my LIFE. Thoughts came running into my mind while writing this blog, it is actually a feeling of uncertainty about so many things. It was not how I have heard it 2 years ago. It isn't just a statement of planning about life and about how it will look like..it is actually asking  my life in a totally different perspective.

Now, in a world where only YES and NO are equally important, how will you say MAYBE…

In Another Lifetime...

In another set of chances..I'd take the one I missed to make you mine..In another lifetime..

what can I say? I think, I'll have to park my pen this way..

Yakap ko ang Kahapon

   

 Sobrang daming linya ang gusto kong isulat

Yakap ko ang Kahapon

Baka sakaling mapigil non ang luha sa pagpatak

Baka sakaling hindi na ako umiyak

At malimot muli ang iyong mga yapak..

Baka sakaling maipinta ko ang langit kahit wala ka

Baka sakaling marinig ko ang huni ng mga ibon kahit tuluyan ng nagiisa

Baka sakali..

baka sakaling malimutan din kita.

Carmi talks about Politics

Six Years ago, I have shared my life to the place I grew up with. I have rendered and exchange my supposedly “being an educator” (since I have passed my MBA exam that time to pursue my dream of becoming a professor).

It was one of the hardest decisions that I have made. Choosing the public governance to return back the favor and do the things that you have to do for the sake of your community. It was actually a crucial decision to make that time. After the first term, there was a pinch in me that wants to pursue public service and governance. However, I realized that the world is too imperfect for an ideal set up.

Being into public service requires a lot of courage and patience.  Facing challenges and every day issues is but normal part of politics. Siraan dito, tsismis doon. Rumors scattered everywhere, judging you without fact neither concrete evidence. These are all part of the political transformation that I once dream to change.

I envision a community with progress, with educated and disciplined mind, with mutual respect and understanding within the neighborhood, with cooperation and trust with their leaders. I failed. Because I envisioned it alone.

After several years, I found an army, persons that understand me perfectly, persons that will add value to the community. Persons with clear vision and have a will to political transformation. I feel a bit sad. Because, I also found out that I am not getting younger, that the six years in service made me realized how much more will I have to exchange for this “transformation”.

Then suddenly, I slow down, I finally learn to accept that “maybe I dreamt too high for my community..maybe, I opt to just let them stay the way they want to since I cannot stand the clamor”

I did not regret nor will I ever regret the day I join these brave people who stand for what they believe is good for the community. In fact, I salute to them, because I knew how difficult to lead a stagnant environment. A place where people don’t want change, or should I say, wants a perfect change but let their leaders work alone with magic. 

Yes, there is a silent majority, and they are silent. Too silent that they don’t realized that they, themselves are not doing their part. Too silent to voice out and cooperate instead of throwing bitch words and criticisms to these few people who stand in their feet and begging the entire place to come and cooperate with them. Too silent that they even forget how much things our community have lost.

I salute to my colleagues, and even though I know that there will come a time they will compete among each other, I keep myself mum and will not take any side because I know, I was there, I have listened to their arguments, and all of them has their intention to help and make a change. To lead the community.

In the end, I still want to believe to what I envisioned; a community with progress, with educated and disciplined mind, with mutual respect and understanding within the neighborhood, with cooperation and trust with their leaders.

To the members of Sangguniang Barangay..I salute you all!  Marami pong salamat sa pagtanggap at pagtitiwala ninyo sa kakayahan ko.

Six years has been a room of learning for me. It was hard, challenging but worthy.  Yes. After many times of thinking it over, I finally decided to say goodbye to politics.

Again, I am proud to say, I did my best, I have contributed to the best that I can..now I am heeding the challenge to the entire community. WORK WITH YOUR LEADERS!

The Wedding Song ;)

I'll let your thoughts flew away

Sleep in a million miles of clay..

We'll walk until the end of today

Tomorrow will celebrate a lovely day!

Loving you is much of what I can say

Since to grow old together is more a bit cliche

But your love really finds a way

And takes the tide to a merely sway..

Tomorrow is the celebration of life

The happiness I really cannot hide

Thank you for sharing and giving your life

It's a long journey and I love to be

....your loving bride.. ;)

HINDI KO NAKITA

Saang sulok ng kahapon ko ika’y itinayo?

Bakit ang harapin ang takot ko ay hindi mo itinuro?

Hindi mo sinabing tawirin ko ang kabilang dako

Kahit alam mong naroon ang aking puso

Bakit hindi ka sumigaw habang ako’y dumaraan?

Kung narinig ko ang tinig mo, hihinto ako, ikay hahagkan

Hindi ka nagsabing naroon ka lang naman

Sana’y hindi ko naisip na baka umulan, saka ang mga paa koy baka masugatan

Hindi mo sinabing tumawid ka din naman

Bakit hindi mo hinanap, mga bakas ko nung dumaan?

Bakit sa panaginip ko hindi ka nagparamdam?

Sanay bumalik ako’t maayos na nagpaalam

Saang lupalop ng kahapon mo itinayo ang tulay?

Hindi ka nagpaalam, ni hindi ka kumaway

Wala kang sinabing sumunod ako at sumabay

Sana sa tabi mo doon ako naghintay.

UNWRITTEN

How about garden salad and banana milk shake for dinner, and a combination of chocolate-pistachios ice cream?

Sometimes, its not the taste that counts but the memories that mixed with the menu. It is not about the pesos and cents but how much time slept away.

For many, life is indeed a mystery. In every masterpiece, there is always a mixture of emotions just exactly how the salad was designed.

In all honestly, I don't know how to express the nearness of thoughts from this blog, what I only know is that I was there from the start and I will always be there behind your back...

I mean always.

My UP- Manager's Course Graduation Response June 22,2013

To our distinguished guests, our coordinators and my fellow managers. Good afternoon.

Wednesday afternoon, I received a message from UP ISSI advising me to prepare a response for this graduation rite. Due to a busy schedule, I wasn't able to absorb what they meant. It was just yesterday that I have figured out what I was about to deliver today. 

Six months ago, I am focused on my working papers of reviews and recommendation to add value and uphold Saviour MeDevices’ commitment to service. Not until our HR Manager advised me that I will be having a Saturday Class in UP ISSI. I felt excited. I am more than thankful. My expectations were high, of course with the assumption that I will be relaxed away from my office. And UP ISSI did not fail me.

From day 1, I am sure that everyone will agree with me that we have learned a lot from this course. There is so much to tell about each day of yearning to learn more from the leaders around you. It was more than a privilege collaborating with their unquestionable accurate intelligence.  

I will not consider this day as the end of this class nor sessions. Instead, I am proud to say that I am more than excited to start my leadership again with my colleagues with a more ideas of modern management tools and techniques and with confidence I will say…

The success of my modern management is from working together, sharing, and listening with my co-leaders in 102^nd Manager’s Course in UP ISSI.

And again, I will end up this response with my favorite saying from Socrates “THE ONLY TRUE WISDOM IS IN KNOWING, YOU KNOW NOTHING” 

Waiting..

"Lying in the gloom, in my lonely room..thinking of how to reach you, dreaming of having you.." isa yan sa mga linya ng kanta na masasabi kong classic para sa akin.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na din talaga alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko masabi kung nasaan ba akong bahagi ng buhay ko. Kung nasa realidad pa ba ako o nasa junction ng pangarap.

I never dream of anything big. In fact, my deepest desire is to be the best mother and the best wife. I never dream of being the best friend, the best boss, the best mentor, the best somebody-else. Let me share to you a secret, there was a point in my life where I call it "my breakthrough" it was the time I found out who I am. From that moment, I suddenly feel emptiness, numbness in everything, all that was left was pain. No it isn't. It was agony. That was the time I cried for help but you know what the saddest part is? I found myself holding my own hands, I heard me saying , "I can make it..this will not last a lifetime.."

And there it goes, I started all over again. With what has been left for me, I face life again. In a different light, a different view, with a different meaning.  I leave all the memories behind, I move on with nothing to remember except, I promise myself to be the best person I could. And having experience my breakthrough, I promise of nothing else but to have a home as an output of me being the "best person" I could.

I never did anything wrong in a relationship, I remain as faithful as I can, I remain committed as it is the golden rule. I experience heartaches, I have been cheated many times, but I remain firm and loyal to what I believe is "love". All I did since I was young is waiting, yun kasi ang laging nangyayari sa Fairy Tales. Yung prinsesa laging naghihintay kay Prince Charming, tapos in the end happy ending kasi nagpakabait ang prinsesa habang naghihintay sya.

Suddenly, my life reached its turning point now, I realized, I am still waiting.

The Secret

It frightens me, yes. But I have to smile. I must. I don't know how to explain how I feel at this moment. I'm afraid.The only thing I know is that, I'm not yet ready..it is my greatest fear..she's the only family I have. While writing this, tears are flowing and no matter how much I tried to stop it, it keeps on falling. I should gather my strength, I must compose my thoughts, I must be her strong refuge, but  I'm too weak to face it. How I wish I could tell the world..the secret.

Let's go back to the start..

That's it.. Sabi nila, ang love story daw na gawa ng Lord, kapag hindi pa happy ending..hindi pa daw yun ending. I believe in that. Alam ko, God designed and save something very special for me. It might not be now, but it will come. Pero syempre while waiting, I have God to comfort me, to keep me grounded, to make me feel that His love is never ending, it is fresh every morning, it never gets tired, its always there to cheer me up. It is there to keep me company, to remind me that I need not to be no. 1 at everything but just being me is enough.

He was a good man, and the way I knew him cannot be changed. It will remain there, kaya nga ako umalis e kasi ayokong mabago yung paraan kung paano ko sya nakilala at kung paano ko sya minahal. I want that feeling to last forever. wala akong gustong maaalala kundi how it was all strated, how the fairy tale begun, how it goes well, how it was blessed, how it was before..

Call me weak, pero ayoko talagang makita yung fall down, i dont want to see everything is breaking just because we changed, whether it was him or me had changed, it doesnt matter anymore, basta ang alam ko, gusto kong tumigil ang lahat sa kung paano ako paulit ulit na nainlove noon. ayokong makita kung anong nangyayari ngayon..

I'd rather leave while I'm in love. Kasi yun yung gusto kong maalala palagi and letting go doesn't always mean ending, maybe,just maybe..there is best to come.

Lord, please do what I am always whispering to you at night. Thank you for the chance of being love.

Sugat

Nakatingin sa kawalan,umaasa sa wala
Napakaraming buntung-hininga ang hindi mo magawa
Maraming sana, bakit, pwede kaya?
Paano mo yayakapin ang talinghaga?

Para bang multo ang paligid habang tinititigan
Ang lawak ng langit hindi mo matingnan
Ang dami ng kulang, hanggang saan at kailan?
Para bang alaalang pinipilit kalimutan..

Humahabi ng kwentong masaya ang katapusan
Kahit na ang luha ay wala nang pagsidlan
Tigib ang pusong lihim na sugatan
Pagkat kailangang ngumiti kahit na nasasaktan

Nakatingin sa parang, hanggang mag dapit-hapon..
Ang pag-ibig bay kukunin na ng panahon?
Maghihintay kayang  maubos ang alaon
O ang tubig sa karagatan kailan kaya hihinahon?

Matalim ang salitang hindi mo matalos
Para bang ibong ikinulong at iginapos
Impit na paghikbing hindi matapos tapos
Sa rehas ng mga kwentong may sugat at galos.

passing by..

Funny. I was about to write a blog about what am feeling right now, but the moment i opened my page and saw the profile picture in it, there was this unexplainable feeling inside the envelopes the entirety of me.

I honestly can't figure it out until this very moment, but it was actually a happy thought that I cannot recall.

The Warrior is a Child..

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child


Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
(Aahhh)

I'm heading home..just like before..

I know I have been so forgetful, hindi ko din maintindihan what happened.
God is really true to our covenant.

Lagi kong sinasabi kapag nagdarasal ako:
"Lord, tapikin mo ako kapag nakakalimot ako.."
And here He is.. Yes, Lord, I am heading home..back to You.

My heart is being moved right this very moment, I know I have sinned, I know I have forgotten Him..

As this song plays in the background, I realize how much time have been lost..
How much time I have wasted..

I am coming back..home.
 

Te amo desde lejos

Thousands of distance are in place

There were many features of a poker face

Cannot reach the feeling of being embraced

There were mixed emotions of stupid race.

From afar I will call your name

With instances of feelings, I was to blame

I have fallen to this game

Of friends and lovers that should be tamed.

Should I say Thank you or Goodbye?

Then promise not to cry.

Should I say enough or stay a while?

Or leave the things that starts with Lies?

Can you give additional millions of being far

Where stars and moon cannot meet the sky

Can you just go away without saying "hi"

And leave the premises while friendship starts to die?

Saying Good Bye to Rx

Yes, there were points in my life that I have undergone confusions on whether I am sick or not. I have been into series of laboratory exams but no serious illness was found and I thank God for that.

As I am reviewing the past and all that had happen with Rx connection, I have to say, it influenced me a lot. It has change my perception about health, it elevates my awareness to take care of my self more cautiously.

I thought that these optimism will just last for a couple of months or a day, just like how I was hooked to some computer games, but I was mistaken. It lasted up to this day and I think it will last for the rest of life. There is more of having your self taking care of, you will learn many, you will be able to know more about your physical condition.

I am thankful that it happens to me as early as last year. And now, I can proudly say I have survived by the many effects those series of medical consultation has brought to me. My life is well versed now about how do I feel, I am now certain about what are the things that can ruin my body, that can cause negative effect on my body and will eventually affect my life.

Yes, I will now say goodbye to Rx and all the things related to him. I know the world is not too big to see the Rx very soon, but somehow, I have conquered it, I remain guarded and pure.

Celebration of Life: Carmi with a Thankful Heart

I must have done something really really good in my life that blessings continuously pouring out. I honestly don't know what to say, my heart is filled with gladness, with sincerity, with so much love to offer and a thankful heart that sees all the little things as abundant blessings..

I can't help but crying today because of unexplained happiness of knowing how much you are love and treasured by people who are so close and dear to your heart..

I never imagine that life will be as happy and fulfilling as how I am experiencing it. God is really good. He really love me for in spite of my imperfections, He continuously search my soul and leads me back to Him. I am His daughter, a blessed daughter, a well-love and precious daughter. Thank You God for a wonderful gift of Life. Though I know that merely thanking you is not enough. My heart will always praise You for all of what You have done.

The path I chose to walk with is not an ordinary path, it is filled with rocks and edges along the way, but God was there. He lead me, He guide me all through out, that no matter how hard the battle is, He fights with me and never leave my side..and after the day, we share the victory.

My heart is filled with tears of joy in realizing that the true winnings comes from hard battleship.

My life has never been so wonderful if not also with the people whom I shared my pieces, my loving family, my friends,the council members and staff, my team, my mentors, the people who believes and trust me in spite of my absence, and mostly to my prayer-partner, the best boy/friend...the one I want to grow old with..the man behind my smiles, my happiness and beacon, my tinker..my love..Ross. Thank you all for your coming into my life.

Life is indeed beautiful because of what God has given me. Salamat Panginoon, tinutuwid mo ako. I love you Lord. Thank You for this Life.

The Balloon Story - A Lesson of Personal Accountability

A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: 

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

“Yes I do” replies the man. “And how did you know that?”

“Well” says the balloonist, “what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone.”

The man below mutters “Thought so”, looks up and says ” You must work in Business Management.”

“I do” replies the balloonist with some surprise, “how did you know?”

“Well”, says the IT guy, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect my immediate help. You’re in a situation of your own making without the right tools or planning, but now you are expecting me to fix it.”

Punyal (dagger)

Ang dami ng papansin, pwede namang konti lang..
Tama bang ilahad ang lahat sayo, para lang mapag usapan?
Lahat ng tanong mo, nasa iyo ang kasagutan
E kung tanungin kaya kita..."Bakit ka ba ganyan?"

Wala akong makitang mali sa kanilang lahat..
Mahal ka nila, pero hindi sayo sapat..
Ano ba ang gusto mong panukat?
Kung papansinin ka bawat segundo, iyon ba ay sasapat?

Pilit mong pinapasok ang mundong hindi sayo
Gagawa ng mali, magtatanong ng payo..
Paano kaya kung sabihin kong napapagod na din ako
Hindi ko na alam ang takbo ng utak mo..

Wala silang mali ni isa, wala akong makita
Sapat lang na dahilan, di ka dapat mabigla
Sa mga inasal mong tila pakawala
Ano't ngayon nangangarap ka ng mundong sariwa?

Piliin mo ang mundo, ayon sa gusto mo
Sapagkat kulang ang pangaral at sanlibong mga payo
Bulag ka at manhid, wag kang matuliro
Pagkat pinili mo ang buhay na madumi at magulo...

 

PLUMA

Naroon sa sulok nakakubli
Ayaw nyang makita ang lahat nyong mga ngiti
Paglipas ng umaga saka lamang dadampi
Ang tunay na mukhang may balot ng hapdi..

Tahimik ang paligid, tulog na ang lahat
Doon mo sya sundan, unti unti syang mumulat
Kukunin nya ang papel at paboritong panulat
At saka ang buhay nya ay unti unting idadaglat..

Pagsapit ng bukang liwayway
Ngingiti syang muli
Walang bakas ng luhang, noong gabi ay dumampi
Pagkat naisulat na ng pluma 
.....ang pagkukunwari...

Safety signs...resistance

I don't know how well you were trained
Spare me to be compared
My thoughts, you can't comprehend
You can't catch me around, that is my trend.

Smile for now, you have all your time
Rest assured to savour your glory before I took mine
You can't believe it when the time has come
The best things you have will be your worst realm..

just beside him...

Sa totoo lang, natatawa ako kasi nagsusulat ako ng tungkol sa mga bagay na ito. There were people na alam kung paano nagsimula ang relasyon naming dalawa. Napaka konti ng tao na nakaalam kung paano kami ulit nagkita at nakakatawa mang aminin "nagkakilala".

We are complete strangers when we meet each other again, malayo na pala kaming dalawa. We are keeping the relationship now for 5 successful years..at alam kong it will count more.

May mga blogs na akong isinulat tungkol sa kanya, tungkol sa relastionship namin pero ang nakakapagtaka don, sa bawat araw na aalalahanin ko kung paano kami nagkita at nagkakilala ulit, hindi ko maiwasang kiligin at maiyak.

Mahirap akong isorpresa, I almost knew a lot of surprises and of course the tricks to make is a success pero nung araw na nakita ko ulit sya after 8 years, yun ang pinaka surprising event sa buhay ko.

He came just in time. Nakakatawa nga e kasi napakaraming beses na din akong "nag emote" para makipaghiwalay, pero at the end of the day, iniisip ko, anong part ba ng limang taong relasyon namin ang hindi ako naging masaya?

 Naiiyak ako, kasi wala. Wala akong dahilan para iwan sya, para hindi sya mahalin, para hindi sya hintayin.

He may not be here physically, pero napakaswerte ko dahil kahit minsan hindi ko naramdaman na nabawasan ang pagmamahal niya. Kahit minsan hindi ko naramdamn na hindi ako mahalaga. There was never a day that he stops courting me.

Wala akong maalalang panahon na hindi nya ipinakita sa akin yung tama kapag magulo na ang lahat. I am stubborn, sabi nga nila intimidating ako masyado but this man makes me the real me..

And there is no place i love the most...but beside him...just beside him.

it is nice to be back

Being in your comfort zone really what makes you feel alive again. There had been many attempts of writing and blogging again, but was all in vain not until today.

I don't know what really makes me feel to share my sentiments again, but whatever the reason maybe, I guess I should be thankful I was able to be back to "iNk BloT".

And oops! yes, it's in public again..hehehe ;) happy scrutinizing! remember..I am just trying to blog.. :)

Boundless Possibilities

Nah! don't get me wrong, there is more to life than what I am doing right now. Things aren't that fine. I realized how much boredom I have in life. Everyday I travel,I work, meeting new places, new people, new problems to resolve, new dress? hahah!! everything is new everyday..but why do I feel this way? 

Contentment is not an issue in this article. Patterned perfect persona I guess maybe acceptable. 

Living a life with fear of mistakes, with soaring to compliment high expectations, living everyday in accordance to biblical teachings, anything related to manner and integrity. My life is empty, it is an absolute liquidity where true form cannot defined by merely living into righteousness..it is so safe that you can't even enjoy boundless possibilities life has to offer.. It is actually a pointless routine. Always trying, always gaining..but at the end of the day, it was you, yourself and the mirror. 

Yes, I hear you, it is a personal choice..a choice where you cannot say no when people pushes you against the wall to do and live the righteous way they dreamed to live with. It is more than the idea of disillusion circumstances where craving for perfection is being chased but always slipped at the end of the day.

Life is a game..and I am mastering the rules..with boundless limits.

on the second thought..

Hindi ko alam kung kelan  nga ba na conceptualize sa utak ko ang pagtatrabaho sa labas ng bansa. Ang alam ko, hindi ako naniniwala noon na kailngan kong umalis para magkaroon ng magandang buhay at maisakatuparan lahat ng gusto ko. But honestly, nagising ako isang araw realizing na nagsisimula na pala akong mawalan ng tiwala sa bansa ko.

Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko noon na may pag asa pa ang Pilipinas, na kailangan ko lang na i-share sa kanya (Pilipinas) lahat ng alam ko at lahat ng pwede kong ibigay sa kanya (Pilipinas). But I was mistaken. Mali pala ako at tama ang marami. Maybe I have live in a realms of idealism. Hindi ko din alam if I am ready to settle down into something. Para kasing napakaraming bagay ang naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon. Unti unti kong nararamdaman na am not into this.

Tama nga siguro ang mga librong nabasa ko, na ang tao ay walang ka kuntentuhan. Maybe because they are always starving for perfection, yung perfection naman na salita is in general, pwedeng maging tama yun depende sa kung ano ang maging pananaw mo sa buhay.

Nakakatuwa lang talagang isipin na kahit na gaano kahaba pala ng pasensya mo sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid mo, totoo pala na darating ang panahon na muubos ka din. parang ako, nararamdaman ko na unti unti ng nawawala ang tiwala ko sa Pilipinas. Na unti unti na akong nagkakaroon ng ibang pananaw na mas maganda ang maibibigay ng ibang bansa.

Sa mga oras na isinusulat ko ito, may natitira pa ding pag asa sa puso ko na isang araw, babalik ulit ako sa paniniwala kong may pag asa pa sa Pinas at hindi ko kailangang mangibang-bayan.

Sa totoo lang, nalulungkot ako twing maiisip kong kailangan ko nga yata talagang umalis, pero sa twing nakikita ko yung pangangailangan ng bansa ko, hindi ko magawang talikuran sya (Pilipinas). Para syang isang Ina na kung pwede lang na lagi syang nakadikit at nakaalalay sayo sa lahat ng panahon ay gugustuhin mo.

Siguro nga inaantok na ako, masyado nang malalim ang tinatakbo ng ideolohiya ng isip ko. Sana pag gising ko, makita kong mapatunayan kong tama ang desisyon kong hindi iwan ang bansa ko.

 

Bakit may second-class citizen?

Hindi ko din alam. hahaha! Sa totoo lang yan din ang madalas kong itanong e. Kahit san ka yata pumunta at kahit anong bansa at daan ang lakaran mo, makikita at mararamdaman mong meron nyan.

Hehhe.. teka nga bakit ko nga ba sya naisulat? hehehe.. kasi nga I experienced that. Well, unang pasok pa lang ng taon, may lesson na agad ako na natutunan. Never to bend sooo easily. Marami pa rin talagang tao na akala mo mabait. Sabi nga ng karamihan, hindi lahat ng nakangiti sayo e kaibigan mo. tama naman yon, at sa totoo lang maraming bagay ang magpapatunay don.

Alam mo, sa work place ituring mo syang isang malaking Zoo. If you happen to read Bob Ong's Alamat ng Gubat, you will know why a jungle is called the best place for survival. Hindi ko iniindorso ang libro, pero lahat kasi ng nakalagay don ay totoo lalo na kung dadalhin mo sya sa mas mataas na antas ng pag unawa at kalinangan sa panulat.

Naalala ko ang isa sa mga nagresign na empleyado na kakilala ko, sabi nya sa isang post nya.. "kahit anong libre at bigay ng kung ano-ano..hindi mo makukuha ang respeto na hinahanap mo". When I first read that, i feel bad kasi alam kong may pinatutungkulan sya, pero as days went by, unti unti ko syang naintindihan.

Dati naisip ko, siguro magkakasundo din kami kasi nakikita ko naman ang effort nya to reach me out, sa totoo lang nag exert din naman ako ng effort. Kaya lang, iba talaga yung mga pagkakaton na mamahalin at igagalang mo ang isang tao hindi dahil may utang na loob ka, kundi dahil sa alam mong kagalang-galang at respetable syang tao.

Sa mga oras na ito, alam kong nagiisip ka na na itigil ang pagbabasa, kasi nga naman hindi mo din alam kung ano ang gusto kong palabasin, sa totoo lang, kahit ako kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ko itatago at isusulat sa pinakamagandang mga salita ang mga pinaka pangit at masamang bagay na gusto kong sabihin dito.

Teka nga pala, malamang hindi mo din alam na hindi pagiging mas mababang uri ang second class citizen para sa akin.. kundi ito yung mga taong hindi mo dapat itago at isali sa mga tinatawag mong kaibigan.. second class kasi. hehehe...hindi sila yung original. hahahah!

Kaya kapag nakaramdam ka ng mabuting ginawa sayo ng mga second class citizen..hahahah!! "mag ingat ka" sabi nga ni Jake.
 

2012: Forget-Me-Not -The People behind

Posting pictures of my whereabouts is one of the things that was part of my "NO" lists. It is not because I wouldn't want to brag the things that happened and experiences that has been memorable to me but because I am starting a private life. 

I consider 2012 as the best year for me so far, I have learn a lot of things, I managed to keep my world protected from different issues of life. I have been more closer to my Creator. We honestly became the Best of Friends. 

Highlights of my 2012 has been out already.It was intentionally tagged privately to the people involved.

As I open the new challenges of 2013, let me say thank you to some of the characters who had offered their time, their shoulders, their ears, their wisdom and understanding for me. And as I am beginning the introduction of this blog, dito ko din yun tatapusin, because this is how I will say GoodBye to 2012.

Sa Lord, for being my safe refuge all the time, hindi ko alam kung paano kita mapasasalamatan. Sa lahat ng pagkakataon na hindi mo ako iniwan. Sa lahat ng oras na binibigyan mo ako ng lakas at karunungan para kayanin ang lahat, sa lahat lahat Lord, lalo na sa maraming pagkakataong nahihirapan at naduduwag ako. Thank You for not failing me. For comforting me with your spirit.

To my family, my mom and my siblings who has been my inspiration and my kakampi sa lahat ng oras. Thank you for the Love and Support.

Sa taong pinakamahalaga at pinakamalapit sa puso ko, Honey (Ross), thank you for standing by me, for believing in me, for supporting me, for loving me and most of all, for praying for me. Mahal kita at mamahalin kita palagi.

Sa Council, who has been very understanding and supportive, kay Kap who is always willing to help and guide us, thank you so much.

Kay Ed, who has always been there for me, thank you for the friendship. I have known what true friendship means because of you. I appreciate your time and effort exerted mostly when I needed the most. Sobrang appreciated ko yung mga time that you really exerted effort kahit nasang lupalop ka ng Pilipinas just to check me and remind me "hindi ikaw yan Carmz.."

To my Big Brother, "Jake" thank you for being there, your presence and time really matters. Though we may have different circles of friends and different views, thank you for reaching out. My prayers goes with you and your family always.

 

To my colleagues, BMM,and SGP- thank you for the wisdom imparted. I have a different picture of life now because of your shared experiences. 

To my loving mentors.. CLA,AAF,MGS Jr. and LGG.

To my Staff, for bringing out the best foot forward for the betterment of the organization. For your selfless obedience, for being an ideal team players. Thank you.

To my tested friends,DM, and the rest that i choose not to mention (you know who you are) thank you for trusting me.






To my "best-buddy" Rommel, huli man daw at magaling..makakahabol pa din, I didn't expect na magkikita pa tayo and pupunta ka pa sa bahay bago matapos ang taon. Honestly, malapit na talaga akong magtampo non. hahaha!!!

Sa lahat ng mga kaibigan na ilang beses kong pinilit na i-reach out magkita lang tayo...pero masyadong madaming kaibigan kaya nakalimutan ako..hahah!! tama bitter nga ako.. hehehe.. don't worry..natuto na ako. hindi na ako mangungulit para hindi na din kayo maistorbo. hahaha!! pareho lang tayong madaming inaasikaso.

Lastly, to all those people who form-part of my challenges and tears, pains and triumphs...Thank you so much, I wouldn't be me if not with your sharings.

My journey with you guys has been so much fun and worth remembering. It is more than a picture posted many times, but a true memory that should be keep deep in the heart. You had made my 2012 the most productive and worth remembering!

Join me again, as 2013 unfolds new challenges, new triumphs, new characters, new facades, and new beginnings..

Cheers!