DAMN!

BULLSHIT!!! 

Bakit may mga natatanggap sa trabaho kahit BOBO!!!!

PILGRIM's THEME.. ;)

nice ;)

Kapag sinabi ko bang ayoko na, pakakawalan mo ba ako?

I love what am doing, everything seems like a perfect pieces of puzzle fits into place. Everything except salary? hahahaha!

I honestly don't know how to write the thoughts that keeps on bothering me.I cannot withstand the fact that am no longer happy in terms of remuneration package being received from my company. I must admit that what keeps me holding back is the friendship and the passion of my team which is evident everyday. 

Ilang beses kong iniwasang isulat ang bagay na ito but I really can't help it. Sa totoo lang hindi ko naman din talaga alam kung salary lang ba talaga ang problema ko or is it really the system that I am getting tired of.

Yung pakiramdam that you are floating in the air with no direction at all seems really is a burden. Yung tipong independent ka and completely alone. Hindi ko na alam pero honestly ang tagal ko nang gustong itanong to eh..

"Pag sinabi ko bang ayoko na, pakakawalan mo ba ako?"  ;)

Second Chances

 Remember that the reason why Jonas experienced this major obstacle is when he disobey God on the order to went to Ninive and preach the Gospel. Instead, he went to Tharsis,  a place across Ninive. In the middle of his journey, God sent storm and he was lurked by a fish.After realizing his disobedience to God, he prayed in the deepest of his heart..then God saved him and order him again to preach in Ninive... 

God is giving us second chances..that is how Omniscient and Forgiving He is.

Jonah 2:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

2 ^1 [a]From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. ² He said:

“In my distress I called to the Lord,
    and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.

³ You hurled me into the depths,
    into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
    swept over me.

⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
    from your sight;
yet I will look again
    toward your holy temple.’

⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me,^[b]
    the deep surrounded me;
    seaweed was wrapped around my head.

⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
    the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God,
    brought my life up from the pit. 

⁷ “When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple. 

⁸ “Those who cling to worthless idols
    turn away from God’s love for them.

⁹ But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
    will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
    I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”

¹⁰ And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

 

 

LEGO: The Classic Brain Twister

Sunday seems to be the busiest day at SM Mall of Asia, thousands of people here and everywhere having their "me-time" with their love ones. The family bonding is still the best part of long weekends. As we stroll though every nook of the place, I have notice a beautiful LEGO Town built at the center of the Mall. I was really amazed by how it was meticulously assembled as a little town.

Having seen the beautiful creation, I started to travel back in time, wondering if someone does not knew Lego, he/she may not have passed his/her childhood life. but for the sake of those who have no idea what is LEGO is, I tried to phrase some of my stored knowledge about the game.

LEGO building bricks are hard plastic construction blocks, with studs on them so they stay tightly together. They come in many shapes and forms and are great to play with.

Last Sunday, together with my cousin, we witness the Fireman Lego Building at SM Mall of Asia. It was mostly participated by kids together with their attending guardians. And yes! it was really a whole lot of fun creating different figures and even anime were also been created through building dice of Lego.

While all participants were busy with their crafts, these LEGO Contest Organizers were also busy building the main character of the event..The LEGO Fireman.

After finishing the nighty-gritty head of the fireman, it is now set to established a full figure of a Lego-Fireman. 

Having witness the building of this craft, there were Lego parts which has been falling while they are trying to fit in the body. It can be considered the staff's concern while building their fireman since several times misalignment of the body and the head has been figured out.

And after patience and hardwork, presto! they are able to built the LEGO Fireman. 

But hey, there was one thing I failed to assume, hmmm..am thinking how many LEGO (dice) has been used in building this huge Fireman... hehehe..;)

At the end of the day, the most rewarding part for me is the building of my old time friendship with my cool and handsome cousin..hey! we have not seen each other for the past 7 years! hahaha!!! love you cuz!

DETOUR

When I was in Highshool, I clearly remember that by the month of February, a lot of Slum Books and Autograph Notebooks has been sold out in the market, simply because of Valentines and Graduation. In the lower part of these books (if I remember it right) there was a question goes like asking who are your friends or sort of what is friendship means or who was your best friend. Funny and silly thoughts of me.

This article maybe rude and sarcastically written, but hey! don't get it wrong this is a free flowing of thoughts and blotted ink. As I am picking broken pieces of the thoughts and experiences I have had lately from having medical consultations and problems sort of personal issues I have realized many things but the core of the realization boils down to a certain question which actually hurts me for I can't actually find the answer..

What is Friendship?

As I remember my days from elementary to high school up to college, I remember I had acquaintances and friends. The first ones are those people who just abruptly drop by and gives lesson through experiences but never with have close attachment with me. The second were the people whom I shared my personal life with, people who loves me and are part of me when am wearing my house clothes without anything for projection.

And so, these friends were taken care of ever since, they were kept into a treasure box for decades. 

But hey! lately, it's as if I was hit by a train, when I realize that, there were few who stays with me, who keeps in touch, who still treat me as part of their daily lives and who still care even if my work load have melted my entirety. Then I start opening my treasure box and found out that these two souls remain there.

1. Ross (my prayer-buddy and ever loving boyfriend)

2. Ed (my comrade through trials and triumphs)

3. who else? duh!

Funny, but it really pains me to know that these two persona did exist when I am almost at lost. These two body fixes everything which everyone thought was unbreakable.

There were "friends" whom I called up several times but to no avail. A girl, who always posts happy thoughts of her relationship and is now getting married which in fact, cannot even remember me as part of her plans, thoughts when am just a text away. Sad thing is that, when you were together, other names is being use to addressed you. (funny, but it hurts!)

Of course, I know the fact that these friends were not oblige to stay nor think of me everyday, they have their own lives, own miseries, own struggles, own everything..except remembering me.

Talking to someone made me realize that yeah, I did live a good life. A good daughter, a good servant of church, a good ignorant. damn it!

Am taking turns now, if only I can bring back time, I should have not live a life that is safe and ideal. I should have not build fences of idealism and impossibilities. It should have been a fearless and adventurous one.

I should have been more sensitive to acquaintances, I should've been more cautious about keeping the old ones.

For real, I do not believe anymore in the saying that goes;

 "It's not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of friendship build along the way"

Sometimes, it is in the quantity of people around you that can build bridges of comfort, of new sense of direction and a rejuvenating soul after the storm..

I should fear not.. the road is under repair..DETOUR.

An Empty Vessel

There are points in our lives where we feel more important than others. We feel as if we are superior above all else, we tend to forget the reality that all of what we have was actually not ours but just an accountability that in the end of time will be submitted back to the Owner.

Everyday, I admit imperfections, am not perfect, I am human, I get hurt, I get even, I get angry, I get mad, I am weak, I have infirmities, but God always search me, He knows my ways for He does loves me. God is so good to embrace me with His stubborn love.

These shortcomings and imperfections remind me that I am nothing without God who strengthens me. I am an empty vessel longing to be filled by His spirit, by His wisdom, by His guidance..I am an empty vessel..I am nothing compared to what He is. And this reality is indeed a blessing that reminds me that my life has to be spent according to His will. 

Amidst success, achievements, fame and authority, I still bow my knees at the end of the day, lifting my hand, praising Him for I am Empty without His guidance. I am nothing without God. And I really don't know how to thank Him for all that He has done.

I will be singing and prasing Him, a hymmn of praise. And as long as I am reminded of my Emptyness, my voice will be raise solely to sing HIS PRAISES.. for that is my saving grace..

Something about Ed

It takes time and tests for us to realize and recognize a true friend. It maybe someone na nakasama mo through thick and thin or maybe a once companion turned into a significant person in your life. I value friendship a lot, in fact, my friends were not as many as one can imagine. I have a few list of true friends, sila yung mga taong i-reverse mo man lahat ng mathematical equation e sila pa din yung quotient na lalabas.

Sa haba ng panahon, all of us were getting older and wiser in life, most of my friends already have a family of their own but what surprises me is the deep rooted friendship I had with Ed.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko matandaan kung paano at saan nagsimula na maging magkaibigan kami, all I know is that when he applied as OJT noon sa company na pinagttrabahuan ko, he was the first person that greets me in the morning and the last person that will greet me at night. Sa sobrang busy ng schedules ko at a young age, I learned to be more focus and business-like everyday so building network and friendship is not my craft before.

Kanina, since today is holiday, I am planning to just stay at starbucks festival as usual and unwind, don kc mag isa lang ako, wala akong kilala, and I don't care if there is any, I can breathe there, I can be myself. Along my way, I called him up just to know his condition in Pampanga since he live there with his wife and son. Funny because, friendship really offers the best and the worst to both of you.

Did you know that Eduardo (haha, as I call him madalas) is the only man that can make me both annoyed, irritated and happy?

Yes. Sa lahat yata ng kaibigan ko, well, hindi sila madami because some are just acquaintances not friends really, Ed is the most sensible and honest of all. Yung honesty nya kadalasan ang nakakapagpainit ng ulo ko, at the same time pulls me back to gravity. Katulad ngayon, imagine to suggest something new sa blogs ko just for him because he just knew me and practically upon seeing the format of my writings, alam na daw nya na ako ang nagsulat non. See, how demanding and rude he is?

So while thinking over about the conversations we had, instead of writing something about business(which is the main topics of my live journals) e sya ang naisulat ko. (hahaha!)

Amidst of this, Eduardo is someone I really can rely on, sya yung kaibigan ko na hindi tumigil nor stop communicating with me and reaching me out for whatever means na pwede nyang gawin. He always makes sure am okay, am fine and that no one is hurting me nor distracting me in a whole lot sense.

Sya yung kalaban ko sa lahat ng advocacies ko pero sya din yung no. 1 supporter ko (of course iba yung level ng support ni Ross). He is the worst side of me in terms of political ideas, goals and life's perspective, pero sya yung kaibigan ko that exactly knows how I feel and perfectly understand what I want to hear. (hahaha!)

Hay naku Eduardo, look at what you've  done. Sinabi ko naman kc sayo, if gusto mo ng something serious, wag ka dito mag react, dun ka sa live journal ko pumunta para mag nose bleed ka sa lahat ng Risk Analysis, Management Tips, and Business Related issues instead na i-criticized mo tong blogs ko.. kaya nga "inkblot" di ba? informal yung articles ko here. It's all about thoughts and scribed ideas through writing..

But nevertheless, am thankful and so bless having you around. Thank you for the friendship.. love you Bro!

I KNOW HE'S THERE..

A Ghost Friend who means much to me

For all the understanding you give abundantly

For listening with a heart

For cheering me when I am blue

And just for simply being you..

For the in-depth conversation that stimulates my brain

For silly times we laugh out loud, but we can’t explain

My secret flaws and faults which no one knows

Keeps the bond to simply grow...

Escape from Lupus..

The day ends. My waiting is over, Thank God, all the lab tests were normal. There were confusions taunting me, but I don't think I will dwell on that. There were pains, yes, but I decided to schedule everything. At least this time, I somehow managed to have a "me-time" for check ups and/or consultations.

For three weeks, medical consultations has been a "routine" for me. If there is an attitude that everybody knows about me, it is when I started something (e.g medical check ups, etc.), am gonna make sure to finish it so that I won't go back anymore.

Having all the medical consultations done, I am now going back to where I used to be. Those weekends really taught me lessons. Most importantly, I managed to view life as a whole within three weeks. All of sudden, my views changed, and everything seems to turn 360 degrees. But don't get me wrong, its all for the betterment of everything (I suppose).

Ross really deserve a gratitude for pushing me to have finish my clinic schedules. Am really lucky having him as my "Prayer Buddy". No one could really play his role in my life, and if there is, am sure that would be in another lifetime. Thank you so much Honey. ( a big hug for you >.< )

And not to mention my cool doctor (ksc213) for inspiring me to be more sensitive and responsible about my health condition. Thank you Doctor.

Am sure this year's August will be very memorable to me as I am now preparing my schedules for September. God must be really good to me for letting me view life in a different perspective.

Have to park here. It's time to go back to work and back to reality. Am fine..I know I will be. 

KANLUNGAN

I will never get tired of hearing this song from Noel Cabangon. His songs always reminds me of how simple things made life worthy to live everyday.

Hindi ko alam kung anong pwedeng mangyari tomorrow, pero alam kong whatever happens I always have Ross, my Safe Refuge.

Time really flies so fast, kaya dapat maappreciate ko ang bawat araw na masaya ako, na nagmamahal ako, na nagtitiwala ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko, at higit sa lahat, dapat maging blessing ako sa ibang tao so that I will have no regrets habang lumilipas ang panahon.

Love, 

Carmi

The Heart of Worship

This morning, I feel so moved to share my testimony. I had drifted away for quite a while, having absences in the fellowship and Sunday Church services, but being the Omniscient God that He is, He called me back again to Him.

How many times, I resisted this song that keeps on playing in my mind, but I end up singing pa rin while preparing for work..

This song actually tells everything why I am so in love with GOD. He is there, He never leaves me, He will never will..

TAKE ME OUT OF THE DARK

By: Gary Valenciano

 

 Just what is it in me?
Sometimes I just don't know
What keeps me in Your love,
Why you never let me go

And though you're in me now,
I fall and hurt you still
My Lord, please show me how
To know just how you feel

You have forgiven me
Too many times it seems
I feel I'm not what you might call
A worthy Christian after all

And though I love You so
Temptation finds it's way to me

Teach me to trust in You
With all my heart
To lean not on my own understanding
I just forget
You won't give me what I can't bear

Take me out of the dark, my Lord
I don't wanna be there

You've never left my side
You gave Your hand to me to hold
Oh Jesus, I'm no longer in the cold

And yet, I leave You there
When I feel satisfied
I'd like to thank You every day
Not only when I feel that way

I've never known a Man
Who'd give His life for sinners like me
And yet, because He loves us so
He's promised us eternity
And we can have that promise
And be His if we have faith
And just believe

Teach us to trust in you
With all my heart
To lean not on my own understanding
We just forget
You won't give us what we can't bear

Take us out of the dark, My Lord
'Cause we don't want to be alone
Take me out of the dark, My Lord
We don't wanna be there, My Lord

Trust in You with all my heart
Lean not on my own understanding
I just forget
You won't give me what I can't bear

Take me out of the dark, My Lord
Cause we don't want to be alone
Take me out of the dark, My Lord
I don't want to be there

" Thank You Lord"

Thank You Doc ;)

Im not used to seeing a doctor. Masyadong mataas ang tolerance level ko sa pain. Ang alam ko as long as nakakatayo pa ako at kaya ko pang magtrabaho, i'll go for work. But lately, mejo marami na akong nararamdaman sa katawan ko. Ross insisted me to see a doctor for check up, pero as usual, stubborn si Carmi.

Then one day, gumising ako na napaka sama ng pakiramdam not knowing what the cause was, but then again, I just choose to keep it inside, until dumating yung point na hindi ko na talaga kaya, I went and see a doctor.

Until now, am having my medication, series of laboratory tests and bloodworks has been made, may isa pa akong bloodwork na hinihintay, well, honestly natatakot ako for whatever the result maybe. But having Doctor Kyle around, I think magagawa ko pa ding ngumiti kahit alam kong natatakot ako. This doctor unknowingly assured me that I am safe, he enlightened me of the things na dapat noon ko pa ginawa, that is to have a regular check up and being conscious about my health. He unknowingly inspire me of doing the things na kinakatamaran ko non, and that is being sensitive sa mga nararamdaman ng katawan ko.

I don't know Doctor Kyle personally, but I feel safe kapag alam kong sya yung kausap ko, I know I shouldn't be because after all, he is still a doctor. And medical practitioners are as good as business tycoons. But in him, pakiramdam ko, kausap ko lang ang kuya ko. He reminds me of a good friend  nung high school ako.

There is something in him that makes me feel relieve and at ease kahit na alam kong am not well at all.

Ang alam ko, wala pa syang specialization, but sooner I know that he will be a good doctor, my prayer goes with him na sana hindi sya magbago the way he performs his responsibility and duty as a doctor. Siguro I'll be having my last visit with him this weekend, probably because he will be referring me to a doctor specialized in my illness (depends on the result of my last bloodwork).

I'm thankful sa patience nya, though, he has a sarcastic humor (hahaha!) but he is really a very good doctor in the making! kuddos!

Thanks Doc. Kyle Luigi S. Cabañez.

LEAVE IT..

I had no plans of knowing what the results is..

Am afraid.

Had to go back to the start, as if am okay

No worrying, no pains, none at all..

Had to thank the doctor but no plans of going back..

Ji Te Wo AiNi..(Remember I love You)

Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses at ilang beses ko pang uulit ulitin balikan kung paano naging kaming dalawa..

Basta ang alam ko, nagdasal ako na sana bigyan ako ng wisdom to asses my self before settling down..napakarami kong confusions non, at kahit until now, napakaraming bagay na continous kong inaayos for me to be worthy of my purpose in life...

                                                   

 

Then suddenly he came along…fixing everything in me.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pasasalamatan ang araw na nakita ko ulit sya after 8 years. Hindi ko din alam kung paano ko talaga pipigilan ang sarili ko to love him everyday..

           

Araw araw, mas minamahal ko sya, araw araw mas nasasabi ko sa sarili ko na wala akong ibang taong nakikitang kasama at gusto kong kasamang tumanda kundi sya..

Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari bukas, pero ang alam ko, araw araw ko syang mamahalin..until another lifetime..

Silence

at peace

You keep on running through my mind though I know I should’ve hide 

The mixed emotions that’s filling the air accompany by fear of losing my life

     Afraid of instruments you might be  using at me

     Don’t know how I can survive the life without curing me 

     Am caught in the dilemma between unwell and illness free

     Though I know that life is really threatening me..

The pains I had from stomach, bones to brains

Leads me to a life more worthy of cooking grains

Where love and happiness were all a saving grace

And my “honey” takes the lead of race..

        Am not dying, am i?

        I told Ross that am not leave him I wouldn’t say goodbye

       Those tests were just delusions from nothing..

My mind is clear there were no rooms for emergency

What am taking is not medicine but mere candies

      

       From a life free from danger and pain

       I swear, I won’t die in vain

FREE YOUR MIND

     Confused..in silence.

         Frightened in pain

          Leap of Faith..undecided

           Curious..coward

             Loving..hatered

AM NOT DYING

Yesterday night, I met “LIFE”

He told me not be in a hurry for Life is not running..

He told me to be calm even when I am hurting

He advise me to be silent when everybody is yelling..

He smiled at me assuring am not dying..

And every pain the I am feeling is just part of my dreaming..

He hugged me tight whispered that everything will be okay

Even though my limbs were not actually moving..

He holds me tight and then kissed my hands

Then he assured me I am still alive.

My visions were already blurred there were more colors than figures

My feet isn’t moving, stuck with delusions..

Then suddenly were silence..I was numb..

Am not moving but my mind keeps the fight, I have to live..

Someone is waiting, someone is texting, someone is worrying..

I knew it before I fell on the ground.

Gaining the strength again, I moved on..too many people hoping to be home..

I search for LIFE, but he wasn’t there, I thought he will leave me somewhere..

I met Life yesterday night; he told me I’ll be staying so I should fight

Ignore the pain, and all that I am feeling..

Being strong and keeping the fight is all that he is saying..

Suddenly I find myself on my way home..then I felt his hands..

LIFE assured me… Am not dying…