DETOUR

When I was in Highshool, I clearly remember that by the month of February, a lot of Slum Books and Autograph Notebooks has been sold out in the market, simply because of Valentines and Graduation. In the lower part of these books (if I remember it right) there was a question goes like asking who are your friends or sort of what is friendship means or who was your best friend. Funny and silly thoughts of me.

This article maybe rude and sarcastically written, but hey! don't get it wrong this is a free flowing of thoughts and blotted ink. As I am picking broken pieces of the thoughts and experiences I have had lately from having medical consultations and problems sort of personal issues I have realized many things but the core of the realization boils down to a certain question which actually hurts me for I can't actually find the answer..

What is Friendship?

As I remember my days from elementary to high school up to college, I remember I had acquaintances and friends. The first ones are those people who just abruptly drop by and gives lesson through experiences but never with have close attachment with me. The second were the people whom I shared my personal life with, people who loves me and are part of me when am wearing my house clothes without anything for projection.

And so, these friends were taken care of ever since, they were kept into a treasure box for decades. 

But hey! lately, it's as if I was hit by a train, when I realize that, there were few who stays with me, who keeps in touch, who still treat me as part of their daily lives and who still care even if my work load have melted my entirety. Then I start opening my treasure box and found out that these two souls remain there.

1. Ross (my prayer-buddy and ever loving boyfriend)

2. Ed (my comrade through trials and triumphs)

3. who else? duh!

Funny, but it really pains me to know that these two persona did exist when I am almost at lost. These two body fixes everything which everyone thought was unbreakable.

There were "friends" whom I called up several times but to no avail. A girl, who always posts happy thoughts of her relationship and is now getting married which in fact, cannot even remember me as part of her plans, thoughts when am just a text away. Sad thing is that, when you were together, other names is being use to addressed you. (funny, but it hurts!)

Of course, I know the fact that these friends were not oblige to stay nor think of me everyday, they have their own lives, own miseries, own struggles, own everything..except remembering me.

Talking to someone made me realize that yeah, I did live a good life. A good daughter, a good servant of church, a good ignorant. damn it!

Am taking turns now, if only I can bring back time, I should have not live a life that is safe and ideal. I should have not build fences of idealism and impossibilities. It should have been a fearless and adventurous one.

I should have been more sensitive to acquaintances, I should've been more cautious about keeping the old ones.

For real, I do not believe anymore in the saying that goes;

 "It's not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of friendship build along the way"

Sometimes, it is in the quantity of people around you that can build bridges of comfort, of new sense of direction and a rejuvenating soul after the storm..

I should fear not.. the road is under repair..DETOUR.