Lately, I have been hurried by so many queries on how and when will I get married, hehehe..to tell you honestly, I don’t know. For a couple of weeks, my mind has been savaging to the idea of having my own family, yearning for a companion. And that is how my stress came to build up..hahaha!!! for some reasons, I easily get overwhelmed when a pile of tasks appear before me. And in those circumstances, am afraid of not being able to deliver it just the way I want it as perfect as it can be. A lot of friends known me for being perfectionist in some ways I also don’t understand. Maybe it’s just that I am making myself accountable for every task and situation I am into.
Honestly, I envy people who seem to be so careless to take everything and yet they still deliver the best in them. I want their brains seriously so that I can understand the way they view things in a manner different from me.
I kept telling people that I will not settle down until I am ready, ready to leave the things I have grew up, and ready to give up the tasks and activities I have engaged with for almost half of my life. Ready to leave those things that make me want to live in a single-blessed life. Well, most of my friends had already settle down, some got even married and live a happy life with their chosen long-time best buddy. Am not afraid of commitments, in fact, I have lots of it! Hahaha!!! Commitments to church, to friends, to relationship, studies, work..name it!! But my heart didn’t feel any better, for I know that amidst its busyness, amidst the things that it enjoys the most, this heart keeps on searching and longing for the most compromising commitment of all…marriage.
But the question is, how soon I will be ready to leave the things I have right now, will I am able to see things the way a mother see it? The moment this question strikes me, perplexity came along.
Very few people know that what I want when I settle down is far different from my lifestyle. I want a simple, peaceful and private married life. And these marriage ideas will not be possible if I leave everything unfinished. I have a lot of things to accomplish prior to separating my self to the environment I was known for. As what am telling a while ago, I always make myself accountable for the things I am into, and as of now, I am into politics, I have to finish this term with a legacy for my community, I want to share the best things I can to ensure that progress will come their way, before I settle at least, we can minimize out of school youth along the kalyes and by ways of the roads playing cara y cruz, I envision a community free from any threat of poverty and lack of education, I want to share a dream to my fellow colleague, to develop and establish a community of wisdom, of unity and livelihood, before I settle down, I want my community to understand the importance of UNITY and UNDERSTANDING, I want them to be inspire to share their lives for the betterment of everyone. I know this will take a long way aboard these idealistic visions but when I am done preparing their way, enlightening their paths, and ensuring my community’s progress, that is the time my heart will be settled.
Another thing, I have to ensure my family’s safety, my mother’s stability, I want her to experience life free from worries and painful things brought by poverty and striving hard to place us where we are right now, I want to accomplish at least something about paying back my gratitude to her, I want her to have her own business, her own will to manage and live life again, I want to build a home for her again, where she will be able to reminisce her moments with my father, I want to brought the world back to her. This may take a long journey of striving so hard, but when I know I have prepared the way for this, that is the time, my heart will be settled.
Relative to this, I have to ensure my sibling’s happiness, I look forward for a better future ahead of them. I want to see all of their togas, being able to see and read what is written in their diplomas are the best way to bid me goodbye to single-blessed life.
It maybe concluded that it seems marriage for me is a kind of separation to the place and the people I grew up, DEFINITELY YES!. Because when I settle down, I want to live in a place far from anxiety of the world. I want to keep my personal relationship with the Lord together with the one I chose to live with the rest of my life. I want to savor the simplicity and peacefulness of a sacred marriage.
When all these things knocks in my door. it’s time..my heart will be settled…
