it is nice to be back

Being in your comfort zone really what makes you feel alive again. There had been many attempts of writing and blogging again, but was all in vain not until today.

I don't know what really makes me feel to share my sentiments again, but whatever the reason maybe, I guess I should be thankful I was able to be back to "iNk BloT".

And oops! yes, it's in public again..hehehe ;) happy scrutinizing! remember..I am just trying to blog.. :)

Boundless Possibilities

Nah! don't get me wrong, there is more to life than what I am doing right now. Things aren't that fine. I realized how much boredom I have in life. Everyday I travel,I work, meeting new places, new people, new problems to resolve, new dress? hahah!! everything is new everyday..but why do I feel this way? 

Contentment is not an issue in this article. Patterned perfect persona I guess maybe acceptable. 

Living a life with fear of mistakes, with soaring to compliment high expectations, living everyday in accordance to biblical teachings, anything related to manner and integrity. My life is empty, it is an absolute liquidity where true form cannot defined by merely living into righteousness..it is so safe that you can't even enjoy boundless possibilities life has to offer.. It is actually a pointless routine. Always trying, always gaining..but at the end of the day, it was you, yourself and the mirror. 

Yes, I hear you, it is a personal choice..a choice where you cannot say no when people pushes you against the wall to do and live the righteous way they dreamed to live with. It is more than the idea of disillusion circumstances where craving for perfection is being chased but always slipped at the end of the day.

Life is a game..and I am mastering the rules..with boundless limits.

on the second thought..

Hindi ko alam kung kelan  nga ba na conceptualize sa utak ko ang pagtatrabaho sa labas ng bansa. Ang alam ko, hindi ako naniniwala noon na kailngan kong umalis para magkaroon ng magandang buhay at maisakatuparan lahat ng gusto ko. But honestly, nagising ako isang araw realizing na nagsisimula na pala akong mawalan ng tiwala sa bansa ko.

Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko noon na may pag asa pa ang Pilipinas, na kailangan ko lang na i-share sa kanya (Pilipinas) lahat ng alam ko at lahat ng pwede kong ibigay sa kanya (Pilipinas). But I was mistaken. Mali pala ako at tama ang marami. Maybe I have live in a realms of idealism. Hindi ko din alam if I am ready to settle down into something. Para kasing napakaraming bagay ang naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon. Unti unti kong nararamdaman na am not into this.

Tama nga siguro ang mga librong nabasa ko, na ang tao ay walang ka kuntentuhan. Maybe because they are always starving for perfection, yung perfection naman na salita is in general, pwedeng maging tama yun depende sa kung ano ang maging pananaw mo sa buhay.

Nakakatuwa lang talagang isipin na kahit na gaano kahaba pala ng pasensya mo sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid mo, totoo pala na darating ang panahon na muubos ka din. parang ako, nararamdaman ko na unti unti ng nawawala ang tiwala ko sa Pilipinas. Na unti unti na akong nagkakaroon ng ibang pananaw na mas maganda ang maibibigay ng ibang bansa.

Sa mga oras na isinusulat ko ito, may natitira pa ding pag asa sa puso ko na isang araw, babalik ulit ako sa paniniwala kong may pag asa pa sa Pinas at hindi ko kailangang mangibang-bayan.

Sa totoo lang, nalulungkot ako twing maiisip kong kailangan ko nga yata talagang umalis, pero sa twing nakikita ko yung pangangailangan ng bansa ko, hindi ko magawang talikuran sya (Pilipinas). Para syang isang Ina na kung pwede lang na lagi syang nakadikit at nakaalalay sayo sa lahat ng panahon ay gugustuhin mo.

Siguro nga inaantok na ako, masyado nang malalim ang tinatakbo ng ideolohiya ng isip ko. Sana pag gising ko, makita kong mapatunayan kong tama ang desisyon kong hindi iwan ang bansa ko.

 

Bakit may second-class citizen?

Hindi ko din alam. hahaha! Sa totoo lang yan din ang madalas kong itanong e. Kahit san ka yata pumunta at kahit anong bansa at daan ang lakaran mo, makikita at mararamdaman mong meron nyan.

Hehhe.. teka nga bakit ko nga ba sya naisulat? hehehe.. kasi nga I experienced that. Well, unang pasok pa lang ng taon, may lesson na agad ako na natutunan. Never to bend sooo easily. Marami pa rin talagang tao na akala mo mabait. Sabi nga ng karamihan, hindi lahat ng nakangiti sayo e kaibigan mo. tama naman yon, at sa totoo lang maraming bagay ang magpapatunay don.

Alam mo, sa work place ituring mo syang isang malaking Zoo. If you happen to read Bob Ong's Alamat ng Gubat, you will know why a jungle is called the best place for survival. Hindi ko iniindorso ang libro, pero lahat kasi ng nakalagay don ay totoo lalo na kung dadalhin mo sya sa mas mataas na antas ng pag unawa at kalinangan sa panulat.

Naalala ko ang isa sa mga nagresign na empleyado na kakilala ko, sabi nya sa isang post nya.. "kahit anong libre at bigay ng kung ano-ano..hindi mo makukuha ang respeto na hinahanap mo". When I first read that, i feel bad kasi alam kong may pinatutungkulan sya, pero as days went by, unti unti ko syang naintindihan.

Dati naisip ko, siguro magkakasundo din kami kasi nakikita ko naman ang effort nya to reach me out, sa totoo lang nag exert din naman ako ng effort. Kaya lang, iba talaga yung mga pagkakaton na mamahalin at igagalang mo ang isang tao hindi dahil may utang na loob ka, kundi dahil sa alam mong kagalang-galang at respetable syang tao.

Sa mga oras na ito, alam kong nagiisip ka na na itigil ang pagbabasa, kasi nga naman hindi mo din alam kung ano ang gusto kong palabasin, sa totoo lang, kahit ako kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ko itatago at isusulat sa pinakamagandang mga salita ang mga pinaka pangit at masamang bagay na gusto kong sabihin dito.

Teka nga pala, malamang hindi mo din alam na hindi pagiging mas mababang uri ang second class citizen para sa akin.. kundi ito yung mga taong hindi mo dapat itago at isali sa mga tinatawag mong kaibigan.. second class kasi. hehehe...hindi sila yung original. hahahah!

Kaya kapag nakaramdam ka ng mabuting ginawa sayo ng mga second class citizen..hahahah!! "mag ingat ka" sabi nga ni Jake.
 

2012: Forget-Me-Not -The People behind

Posting pictures of my whereabouts is one of the things that was part of my "NO" lists. It is not because I wouldn't want to brag the things that happened and experiences that has been memorable to me but because I am starting a private life. 

I consider 2012 as the best year for me so far, I have learn a lot of things, I managed to keep my world protected from different issues of life. I have been more closer to my Creator. We honestly became the Best of Friends. 

Highlights of my 2012 has been out already.It was intentionally tagged privately to the people involved.

As I open the new challenges of 2013, let me say thank you to some of the characters who had offered their time, their shoulders, their ears, their wisdom and understanding for me. And as I am beginning the introduction of this blog, dito ko din yun tatapusin, because this is how I will say GoodBye to 2012.

Sa Lord, for being my safe refuge all the time, hindi ko alam kung paano kita mapasasalamatan. Sa lahat ng pagkakataon na hindi mo ako iniwan. Sa lahat ng oras na binibigyan mo ako ng lakas at karunungan para kayanin ang lahat, sa lahat lahat Lord, lalo na sa maraming pagkakataong nahihirapan at naduduwag ako. Thank You for not failing me. For comforting me with your spirit.

To my family, my mom and my siblings who has been my inspiration and my kakampi sa lahat ng oras. Thank you for the Love and Support.

Sa taong pinakamahalaga at pinakamalapit sa puso ko, Honey (Ross), thank you for standing by me, for believing in me, for supporting me, for loving me and most of all, for praying for me. Mahal kita at mamahalin kita palagi.

Sa Council, who has been very understanding and supportive, kay Kap who is always willing to help and guide us, thank you so much.

Kay Ed, who has always been there for me, thank you for the friendship. I have known what true friendship means because of you. I appreciate your time and effort exerted mostly when I needed the most. Sobrang appreciated ko yung mga time that you really exerted effort kahit nasang lupalop ka ng Pilipinas just to check me and remind me "hindi ikaw yan Carmz.."

To my Big Brother, "Jake" thank you for being there, your presence and time really matters. Though we may have different circles of friends and different views, thank you for reaching out. My prayers goes with you and your family always.

 

To my colleagues, BMM,and SGP- thank you for the wisdom imparted. I have a different picture of life now because of your shared experiences. 

To my loving mentors.. CLA,AAF,MGS Jr. and LGG.

To my Staff, for bringing out the best foot forward for the betterment of the organization. For your selfless obedience, for being an ideal team players. Thank you.

To my tested friends,DM, and the rest that i choose not to mention (you know who you are) thank you for trusting me.






To my "best-buddy" Rommel, huli man daw at magaling..makakahabol pa din, I didn't expect na magkikita pa tayo and pupunta ka pa sa bahay bago matapos ang taon. Honestly, malapit na talaga akong magtampo non. hahaha!!!

Sa lahat ng mga kaibigan na ilang beses kong pinilit na i-reach out magkita lang tayo...pero masyadong madaming kaibigan kaya nakalimutan ako..hahah!! tama bitter nga ako.. hehehe.. don't worry..natuto na ako. hindi na ako mangungulit para hindi na din kayo maistorbo. hahaha!! pareho lang tayong madaming inaasikaso.

Lastly, to all those people who form-part of my challenges and tears, pains and triumphs...Thank you so much, I wouldn't be me if not with your sharings.

My journey with you guys has been so much fun and worth remembering. It is more than a picture posted many times, but a true memory that should be keep deep in the heart. You had made my 2012 the most productive and worth remembering!

Join me again, as 2013 unfolds new challenges, new triumphs, new characters, new facades, and new beginnings..

Cheers!