...words are flowing..my heart is writing..

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Waiting..

"Lying in the gloom, in my lonely room..thinking of how to reach you, dreaming of having you.." isa yan sa mga linya ng kanta na masasabi kong classic para sa akin.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na din talaga alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko masabi kung nasaan ba akong bahagi ng buhay ko. Kung nasa realidad pa ba ako o nasa junction ng pangarap.

I never dream of anything big. In fact, my deepest desire is to be the best mother and the best wife. I never dream of being the best friend, the best boss, the best mentor, the best somebody-else. Let me share to you a secret, there was a point in my life where I call it "my breakthrough" it was the time I found out who I am. From that moment, I suddenly feel emptiness, numbness in everything, all that was left was pain. No it isn't. It was agony. That was the time I cried for help but you know what the saddest part is? I found myself holding my own hands, I heard me saying , "I can make it..this will not last a lifetime.."

And there it goes, I started all over again. With what has been left for me, I face life again. In a different light, a different view, with a different meaning.  I leave all the memories behind, I move on with nothing to remember except, I promise myself to be the best person I could. And having experience my breakthrough, I promise of nothing else but to have a home as an output of me being the "best person" I could.

I never did anything wrong in a relationship, I remain as faithful as I can, I remain committed as it is the golden rule. I experience heartaches, I have been cheated many times, but I remain firm and loyal to what I believe is "love". All I did since I was young is waiting, yun kasi ang laging nangyayari sa Fairy Tales. Yung prinsesa laging naghihintay kay Prince Charming, tapos in the end happy ending kasi nagpakabait ang prinsesa habang naghihintay sya.

Suddenly, my life reached its turning point now, I realized, I am still waiting.

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