Glimpse of gratitude..😉

My life begins tomorrow..

I am quite determined heading my way to  confirm my schedule tomorrow.

 Comforting myself and reminding me that everything will be fine and that nothing happens without a good reason.

While on my way, I keep reminding myself that God has been with me for the past 29 years why would He leave me for just a day? 

Just a thought of those electrodes coming into my body testing my nerves makes me weaker, but hey! I know I can still smile.

After tomorrow, I know things will change but some facts will always remain...God really loves and trust me. He let me experience all of this to tell the world, how much He loves me.

10913

I simply live because of you

I simply live to thank you for all you've done

For showing the world, your works not mine.

I simply live to give you all

When time comes that You will call

I simply live to do your will

When all has done and dreams are real

I simply live to love and care

To tell the world that you are there.

I have no reasons of feeling blue

For the world You have given me is true

Beyond compare, Your greatness flew

I simply live because of You..

-imrac

#takingtime

Battling Uncertainties

Tears are falling, I really want to ask Him why me? But my heart tells me everything has a reason and that He never let things happen without a good cause.

Everyday, the pain is killing me. Those shots were enough to make me jump from the highest mountain and tell the world..it hurts. But I need to hold on.

Early morning, I'm waking up smiling in front of the mirror while tears continue flowing..thank God for another day.

I can bear it no more, but I still hold on until I am enlightened of His reasons.

You can imagine each day I smile but tears are flowing..my body is aching.

I'll get better soon..

If forcing myself to get well and get back to work after 6 days of rest due to illness is a crime, then I am guilty.

Since, the word "force"has been the introduction, I must say that I did forced everything that results into this sickness.

First, I forced myself to work even late nights though I felt that my body cries for rest.

Second, I forced myself to push everything until my eyes and my brains get satisfied to the results of my visions and objectives.

Third, I forced myself to believe that I am fed up of my work routine and that I hate it anymore when In fact, I am just tired and needs rest for a while.

Lessons learned from forcing?

1. That my thoughts are appreciated by those people who don't knew me well. Thanks for the "get well soons" messages. It makes me feel better.

2. That I love my work very much. 

3. That I almost forgot I am no super human and that illness and sickness will strike at any point in time if I get abusive of my body.

4. That my boyfriend Ross love me so much as well as my mom.

5. That I have the power to create a better place out of disparity.

Life can be understood backward, but should be live forward. I'll get better soon! 

She's weaker now

She never complain

She never asked for anything

She never frown

She wears her winning crown

She had it along the way

She kept it as water sprite fills the air

She turned everything into fairy tale

She wept

She cried

She hide

She ran

She's on you..

She's buying her time

Counting the days, counting all the signs..

She thanks you for reading her mind.

*Nobotsotres

The Pond

From above, I can here the chattering of the crowd. The rhythm from of a European song filled the air, I can sense the warm and cozy environment, the group of friends chatting and telling stories of their entire week is filling the couches.

Silence. I can hear my heart beats faster more that I thought it could've. It's "thugs..thugs" we're exchanged by slow sighs and nevertheless the feeling no one can actually explain.

Sadness, there are sobs, silent sobs.

The pond, it was a man made pond. The couple are standing at the corner, I can hear their laughter, the sound of waters flowing beneath their hearts seems to be a lovely melody that my heart longs to hear.

Imprisoned.

Tap on my shoulder..

I cannot deny the fact that I am facing difficulties nowadays. Everything seems absurd, tiring and hurting. I really don’t know if the words am writing now is the best way to show up everything, but at least, I think it’s the best comfort I can have.

Finding me is really tough. It’s as if walking every path not chosen by anyone, challenging every challenge, making complicated things becomes more complicated.  Choosing to be good when you want to be bad. Taking the lead when you want to be on the background.

Accepting blame when you really had no idea at all, accepting pain, when you don’t deserve it either.

Life is cruel.  

Passers-by (Rx)

I lost my iPod today. It’s the second time I lost a quite expensive and very useful gadget for me. Upon arriving at my office, I really feel dis organized, my focus at work weren't there, if not only for my deadlines and the fact that my boss will be in the office today, I will certainly go home and get myself sobs in my pillows.

Late afternoon, I happen to pass by some of the treasured conversation in my Yahoo Messenger account. I mean treasured because I save a lot of chats with some very significant people in my life.

Without much putting attention to the contacts, I bumped to something I didn't know were saved in my conversation history. And I realized, those are few moments of being oriented into a complete stranger that had changed my perspective in life completely.

It was a conversation that started from a medical checkup, and I didn't realize that it was actually a year ago exactly the same month, a day after. It all started from a one liner conversation about health, about petty issues and about a dress. Funny, but it’s true, as I review the entire conversation, it all started from the comfy-dress.

And since that day, my medical and health perspective changed, I became more conscious about my health, about the things and pains I felt all over my body. I can say that those few encounters helped me a lot to understand and appreciate medical profession. It takes away my doubts and katamaran to see a doctor.

At the end of the day, I realized one thing, that all of us are merely passers-by and that every moments of our lives being shared whether with strangers or someone dear to us is something significant in the chapters of our lives. Life is indeed a journey, and that every journey has its chapter..just like the one I read back now.

12 Things I'm afraid of..

 ..... no one will hold you when you’re down

......... no one will hug you when you need someone to comfort you

............ no one will understand you the way I perfectly do

............... no one will believe you the way  I did from the start

................. no one will tell you stories when you are tired enough

.................. no one will tell you how bad your day is

.................... no one will return your call

....................... no one will be there to catch you when you fall

......................... no one will be there to say “you look ugly and old, but I still love you”

........................... no one will tell how much you’re worth

............................. no one will be there to take care of you when you grow old..

And the ultimate fear that I realized I must face..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Someone will take all these fears and conquers you.

Katapusan ng Simula...

Saan ba natatapos ang isang tula?

Kapag ba naintindihan ito ng lahat ng nakabasang madla?

Hanggang saan ba natatapos ang isang tula

Kapag ba pumanaw na ang may likha?

Saan nga ba nagsisimula ang isang saknong?

Sa taludtod ba ng bawat pusong nagtatanong?

Sa mundong balot ng hinaing at galit ng panahon?

Saan matatapos ang tulang nagsusumbong?

Saan magsisimula ang isang tugma?

Sa isipan ba o sa puso ng mismong gumawa?

Sa saliw ba ng musikang pilit na dinaraya

     ng tiim na damdaming sya lamang ang may nasa?

Saan nagtatapos ang isang saknong?

Sa bawat luha ba na pilit na ikinakanlong?

O sa bawat ngiting pinipilit iguhit ng alon?

Hanggang saan ba ang isang tula?

Kung hindi nya makita ang tunay nyang mukha?

No rooms for "Hi" nor "Goodbye.."

Early this morning, I was stuck in a question, and honestly, it felt like it was the hardest question I have ever heard.

I cannot make it in full detail, but it has something to do with my LIFE. Thoughts came running into my mind while writing this blog, it is actually a feeling of uncertainty about so many things. It was not how I have heard it 2 years ago. It isn't just a statement of planning about life and about how it will look like..it is actually asking  my life in a totally different perspective.

Now, in a world where only YES and NO are equally important, how will you say MAYBE…

In Another Lifetime...

In another set of chances..I'd take the one I missed to make you mine..In another lifetime..

what can I say? I think, I'll have to park my pen this way..

Yakap ko ang Kahapon

   

 Sobrang daming linya ang gusto kong isulat

Yakap ko ang Kahapon

Baka sakaling mapigil non ang luha sa pagpatak

Baka sakaling hindi na ako umiyak

At malimot muli ang iyong mga yapak..

Baka sakaling maipinta ko ang langit kahit wala ka

Baka sakaling marinig ko ang huni ng mga ibon kahit tuluyan ng nagiisa

Baka sakali..

baka sakaling malimutan din kita.

Carmi talks about Politics

Six Years ago, I have shared my life to the place I grew up with. I have rendered and exchange my supposedly “being an educator” (since I have passed my MBA exam that time to pursue my dream of becoming a professor).

It was one of the hardest decisions that I have made. Choosing the public governance to return back the favor and do the things that you have to do for the sake of your community. It was actually a crucial decision to make that time. After the first term, there was a pinch in me that wants to pursue public service and governance. However, I realized that the world is too imperfect for an ideal set up.

Being into public service requires a lot of courage and patience.  Facing challenges and every day issues is but normal part of politics. Siraan dito, tsismis doon. Rumors scattered everywhere, judging you without fact neither concrete evidence. These are all part of the political transformation that I once dream to change.

I envision a community with progress, with educated and disciplined mind, with mutual respect and understanding within the neighborhood, with cooperation and trust with their leaders. I failed. Because I envisioned it alone.

After several years, I found an army, persons that understand me perfectly, persons that will add value to the community. Persons with clear vision and have a will to political transformation. I feel a bit sad. Because, I also found out that I am not getting younger, that the six years in service made me realized how much more will I have to exchange for this “transformation”.

Then suddenly, I slow down, I finally learn to accept that “maybe I dreamt too high for my community..maybe, I opt to just let them stay the way they want to since I cannot stand the clamor”

I did not regret nor will I ever regret the day I join these brave people who stand for what they believe is good for the community. In fact, I salute to them, because I knew how difficult to lead a stagnant environment. A place where people don’t want change, or should I say, wants a perfect change but let their leaders work alone with magic. 

Yes, there is a silent majority, and they are silent. Too silent that they don’t realized that they, themselves are not doing their part. Too silent to voice out and cooperate instead of throwing bitch words and criticisms to these few people who stand in their feet and begging the entire place to come and cooperate with them. Too silent that they even forget how much things our community have lost.

I salute to my colleagues, and even though I know that there will come a time they will compete among each other, I keep myself mum and will not take any side because I know, I was there, I have listened to their arguments, and all of them has their intention to help and make a change. To lead the community.

In the end, I still want to believe to what I envisioned; a community with progress, with educated and disciplined mind, with mutual respect and understanding within the neighborhood, with cooperation and trust with their leaders.

To the members of Sangguniang Barangay..I salute you all!  Marami pong salamat sa pagtanggap at pagtitiwala ninyo sa kakayahan ko.

Six years has been a room of learning for me. It was hard, challenging but worthy.  Yes. After many times of thinking it over, I finally decided to say goodbye to politics.

Again, I am proud to say, I did my best, I have contributed to the best that I can..now I am heeding the challenge to the entire community. WORK WITH YOUR LEADERS!

The Wedding Song ;)

I'll let your thoughts flew away

Sleep in a million miles of clay..

We'll walk until the end of today

Tomorrow will celebrate a lovely day!

Loving you is much of what I can say

Since to grow old together is more a bit cliche

But your love really finds a way

And takes the tide to a merely sway..

Tomorrow is the celebration of life

The happiness I really cannot hide

Thank you for sharing and giving your life

It's a long journey and I love to be

....your loving bride.. ;)

HINDI KO NAKITA

Saang sulok ng kahapon ko ika’y itinayo?

Bakit ang harapin ang takot ko ay hindi mo itinuro?

Hindi mo sinabing tawirin ko ang kabilang dako

Kahit alam mong naroon ang aking puso

Bakit hindi ka sumigaw habang ako’y dumaraan?

Kung narinig ko ang tinig mo, hihinto ako, ikay hahagkan

Hindi ka nagsabing naroon ka lang naman

Sana’y hindi ko naisip na baka umulan, saka ang mga paa koy baka masugatan

Hindi mo sinabing tumawid ka din naman

Bakit hindi mo hinanap, mga bakas ko nung dumaan?

Bakit sa panaginip ko hindi ka nagparamdam?

Sanay bumalik ako’t maayos na nagpaalam

Saang lupalop ng kahapon mo itinayo ang tulay?

Hindi ka nagpaalam, ni hindi ka kumaway

Wala kang sinabing sumunod ako at sumabay

Sana sa tabi mo doon ako naghintay.

UNWRITTEN

How about garden salad and banana milk shake for dinner, and a combination of chocolate-pistachios ice cream?

Sometimes, its not the taste that counts but the memories that mixed with the menu. It is not about the pesos and cents but how much time slept away.

For many, life is indeed a mystery. In every masterpiece, there is always a mixture of emotions just exactly how the salad was designed.

In all honestly, I don't know how to express the nearness of thoughts from this blog, what I only know is that I was there from the start and I will always be there behind your back...

I mean always.

My UP- Manager's Course Graduation Response June 22,2013

To our distinguished guests, our coordinators and my fellow managers. Good afternoon.

Wednesday afternoon, I received a message from UP ISSI advising me to prepare a response for this graduation rite. Due to a busy schedule, I wasn't able to absorb what they meant. It was just yesterday that I have figured out what I was about to deliver today. 

Six months ago, I am focused on my working papers of reviews and recommendation to add value and uphold Saviour MeDevices’ commitment to service. Not until our HR Manager advised me that I will be having a Saturday Class in UP ISSI. I felt excited. I am more than thankful. My expectations were high, of course with the assumption that I will be relaxed away from my office. And UP ISSI did not fail me.

From day 1, I am sure that everyone will agree with me that we have learned a lot from this course. There is so much to tell about each day of yearning to learn more from the leaders around you. It was more than a privilege collaborating with their unquestionable accurate intelligence.  

I will not consider this day as the end of this class nor sessions. Instead, I am proud to say that I am more than excited to start my leadership again with my colleagues with a more ideas of modern management tools and techniques and with confidence I will say…

The success of my modern management is from working together, sharing, and listening with my co-leaders in 102^nd Manager’s Course in UP ISSI.

And again, I will end up this response with my favorite saying from Socrates “THE ONLY TRUE WISDOM IS IN KNOWING, YOU KNOW NOTHING” 

Waiting..

"Lying in the gloom, in my lonely room..thinking of how to reach you, dreaming of having you.." isa yan sa mga linya ng kanta na masasabi kong classic para sa akin.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na din talaga alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko masabi kung nasaan ba akong bahagi ng buhay ko. Kung nasa realidad pa ba ako o nasa junction ng pangarap.

I never dream of anything big. In fact, my deepest desire is to be the best mother and the best wife. I never dream of being the best friend, the best boss, the best mentor, the best somebody-else. Let me share to you a secret, there was a point in my life where I call it "my breakthrough" it was the time I found out who I am. From that moment, I suddenly feel emptiness, numbness in everything, all that was left was pain. No it isn't. It was agony. That was the time I cried for help but you know what the saddest part is? I found myself holding my own hands, I heard me saying , "I can make it..this will not last a lifetime.."

And there it goes, I started all over again. With what has been left for me, I face life again. In a different light, a different view, with a different meaning.  I leave all the memories behind, I move on with nothing to remember except, I promise myself to be the best person I could. And having experience my breakthrough, I promise of nothing else but to have a home as an output of me being the "best person" I could.

I never did anything wrong in a relationship, I remain as faithful as I can, I remain committed as it is the golden rule. I experience heartaches, I have been cheated many times, but I remain firm and loyal to what I believe is "love". All I did since I was young is waiting, yun kasi ang laging nangyayari sa Fairy Tales. Yung prinsesa laging naghihintay kay Prince Charming, tapos in the end happy ending kasi nagpakabait ang prinsesa habang naghihintay sya.

Suddenly, my life reached its turning point now, I realized, I am still waiting.