My Year-End Love Letter

Dearest 2012,

As I am writing the introduction of this letter, I am also writing the actual content of it.

Well, how will I say goodbye to the most productive and wonderful year for me? If I can't have it written, then I would exactly disregard my chance to recognize how Great God is..

Posting pictures of my whereabouts was actually part of my "NO" lists, but of course to those people involved and are part of my "best" year so far, tagging is not a sin. ;)

I want to personally thank you and all the people who has been a part of my fruitful year. It has been a great accomplishment of both learning and professionalism. 2012 was actually the year of valuing what life is, the year that has thought me how friendship differs from acquaintances. You were also a revealing year for me, since I have recognize what are the things I love the most and who are the people I should be aware of. 

You are also a reality check, because with your season, I learn to say "NO" and "ENOUGH". I managed to speak the real me, without fearing that some people might be hurt on hearing the truth. I finally accepted the fact that I cannot change the world. hahahaha!!! I cannot teach them to act and think what is ideal. In the latter part of your year, I conquer my fear of hurting others, of pleasing them with kind words and live by their standards..as a result I learn to be ME. 

The first quarters of embracing your changes, I was quite unsure since I grew up living to other people's standard and expectations about me. I value what they may say against me, I am really afraid of committing mistakes.But as I am learning the game of life, I realized that people around you can only guess who you are, but they cannot tell you who you really are. And that is the point of my awakening.

Now, how will I say goodbye to You? nah!  even after learning so many things, I can proudly say now that I was able to stand for what I think is right. I am able to stick to my decision even if the consequences may be far from the expectations of the many. I was able to say, I have protected my world, my family's welfare and my life's privacy.

Soon, you will be hearing news about me, it might depressed many, it might give a wrong signal to some, but for me,that will be the smartest decision that I had made.Quitting is not being a coward, it is giving yourself the best options life can offer.

Sometimes, you need to be a hero to defend others, but most of the time, you should be a hero to protect the welfare of the people dearest to your heart. You have given me the opportunity to serve to many thru different mediums and that I owe a lot of learning from you.

If only I could stop the hand of time and go back to all the decisive decisions I had in the past, I will. But God is really good for giving me You to awaken my senses that there is more to life than valuing others opinion. He is MOST GOOD for giving me another year of learning and consistency.

Thank you so much and to all the people who has been part of You. Your year reminds me that my dreams are not too far, they are just within my reach..but I have to let go since I have a handful of fears.

May your spirit journey again with me as I travel another year that will unfold more life-changing challenges.

Cheers!

Always,

Carmi

Paano Kita Mapasasalamatan?

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang article na to, napakarami kong gustong sabihin pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko simulan, kaya bahala na, ang mahalaga masabi ko lahat ng gusto kong sabihin..

Napakaswerte ko, kadalasan nasasabi ko, sa dami ng nagawa kong mali, I must have done something good in the past dahil sa sobrang daming blessing ng Lord na ibinibigay Nya sa akin.

1. For having a very supportive and loving mom.
2. For having a very supportive, understanding and supportive boyfriend-my prayer buddy, Ross.
3. For having a kind and supportive boss, MGS Jr.
4. For having a big brother, EPP.
5. For having a tested circles of friends.
6. For having a political colleagues whose very understanding and mother-like figures.
7. For the gift of wisdom to know the difference in everything.
8. For being love and admire by many
9. For having a changing community, and most of all;
10. For having GOD as my safe refuge, my hiding place and the Giver of all the many blessings.

Marami pa akong gustong ipagpasalamat ng personal. Napakarami ng ginawa ng Diyos na mabuti sa buhay ko, sa totoo lang kulang talaga lahat ng ginagawa ko para mapasalamatan at ibalik ang papuri ko sa Kanya.

Lagi ko ngang naitatanong.."Paano ba kita mapasasalamatan?" alam ko kasing kulang ang pasasalamat sa lahat ng ibinigay nya sa akin.

Tama Sya when He told me "REMAIN IN ME.."  and so I will remain in His presence forever...

The Secrets of the Mountain..

When I graduated College, my best friend asked me to join him and his mountaineer group to climb mountain, it has become his passion since then, but I chose not to accept the invitation for personal reasons.

Last month, my cousin Doinkz, invited me for a climb, her happy stories of the pictures taken from the mountain she had climb convinced me to take the challenge. Yes, it was actually a challenge since am not in a good physical condition climbing mountains; I have bone and joint problems.

The day was all set, we were her guests, she asked help from her friend Sir Jot to guide us and assist us since the trail is quite difficult. Along with my sister’s friends we all ready to climb.

night trek with the KAMPAY (L-R) Me,Sir Erwin,Sir Jot,Sir Marco

D-day comes, there were mixed emotions, the excitement thrilled me, but the fear that my joints and muscles may hinder me along the way makes me worried. It was a night trek, I am also worrying about my vision, but nonetheless, it was a challenge that I have to face.

Sir Jot came along with his two friends from KAMPAY Mountaineering Group. Sir Marco, who lead the trail, Sir Erwin, “my friendship” who makes the difficult trail a lot easy and enjoyable with his funny lines and exceptional humor, and of course, Sir Jot as our guide and leader of the trail whom we owe a lot for helping us all throughout the hike, for his patience and accommodation. Not to mention Sir Toots and Sir Darwin for saving us a nice campsite and food! Hehehe..

KAMPAY (L-R) Me,Friendship Erwin,Sir Dennis,Sir Marco and Lhai

As we started the climb, the trail really is not easy, in fact, it is difficult. The rocks, the stiff and narrow pathways, huge rock formations to pass by, it was a whole lot new slice of life for me. But along the way, I was wondering, why people keep on climbing and struggling to reach the mountain top when in fact, climbing the mountain is really a tough activity?

Every time, Sir Marco shouts for break, I can see relief from my fellow beginners, it was also a relief for me. After almost two hours of climb, we have successfully reached the campsite. From there..a smile came across my face, seeing the many faces of the mountaineers answered my mind bugging question.

After having a quick dinner, most of us were set to take a rest, while KAMPAY and my cuz Doinks were in the circle for their “social”.

Cousins (L-R) Me,Doinkz,Khendz,Lhai(my younger sister)

Early morning, fog and humidity wakes us up. It was not a chilling point but the wind was just enough to wake up my senses. As I go outside the tent, I am ready to scroll and read the answers to my perplexity..

The Rockies Peak is not that far from our campsite, but before heading on to that, I have managed to scroll down faces of answers..The Mountain has many Secrets..

There was a man in his middle age, set his tent not quiet far from us, he was alone. He stood beside his tent with his eyes straight on the plants nearby; his eyes can’t hide the loneliness. Seeing me staring at him, he immediately got up and made a gesture while greeting us “Good Morning Ma’am”, but it was not a genuine smile, it was a mask. The man has a burden, he was there to share with the mountain all his fears and thoughts inside.

I glided to return back to camp since they were planning to reach the Rockies Peak, but along the way, I saw group of friends, enjoying their camp, having their breakfast together, chatting and joking around about themselves, I wonder if these people were having breakfast with their families happily every day?

Ooops, Did I see a couple inside a tent? I wonder how long will the relationships last? Or is it because of the Mountain that keeps them going stronger and being in love to each other?

Heading to the Rockies Peak everyone is excited to see the beauty of the mountain peak, the end of a thrilling journey and a rewarding view on top of the mountain. But hey! Am I sensing a broken heart from our group?  nah!

I was stunned for a while, if only the mountain can speak…

The trails are tougher and stiff, slippery and mud greeted us. 

Wow! Magnificent! God is really good! … I can only but utter that admiration to the beauty of the mountain peak. 

Now, it is clear to me that, the mountain can heal a hurting soul…

Scribbled Mind

        Ideas were running..

                            can't help but thinking..

                try to put it in writing..

                              I ended up with nothing...

How to Fight Rumors and Backstabbing In the Workplace

Being the subject of rumors can damage not only your work performance, but also your personal life. However, no matter the size of your company, there are some officemates whose main business is to backstab their co-workers—maybe even their bosses.

 Rumors are unjust, leaving you with barely a chance to fight back. This is because, oftentimes, you may be the last person to know about them. It is hard to deal with the issues because sometimes the story is altered as it is being passed from one person to another, making it more difficult for you to find the original source of the fabrication.

Here are some ways to handle office intrigues:

• Ignore the rumor. If the issue is not really too damaging, just allow it to come and go. Let it die a natural death.

• Try to be civil. If you found out who started the rumor, talk to the person, and explain your side and ask for his or her motive in making such statements. Do this in private, and remain composed and calm. This will send a signal that you are not afraid to confront him or her and that you may not be as forgiving next time.

• Have friends in the office. You may always be the subject of intrigues if you have no allies. The backstabbers will be dissuaded from attacking you if they know you have friends who will fight for you.

• Be helpful and nice. You will not be the object of intrigues, if everybody knows you are a kind person. People hate to see malicious attacks made on those they like.

• Prove them wrong. If your officemates are attacking you for being the boss’ pet, show them that you deserve your promotion, because you worked hard. Focus on your work, and always do your best.

• Inform your superior. Malicious intrigues may affect your performance. Inform your boss and ask for his or her help. Give your side of the issue, because keeping silent may lead him or her to think you are at fault.

• Be able to present evidence. If you believe that the information circulated is baseless or untrue, be able to provide proof. The best form of defence is to back up your claims with hard evidence.

• Don’t start it! Let us remember the persons who we will hurt. Not only are you damaging those people’s reputations, but also their future. If you plan to spread a rumor to get even, remember that you are just bringing yourself down to that person’s level.

In the end, although it is sad to say so, most companies tolerate office intrigues. Spreading rumors about a person gives the workplace amusement, fun and pleasure. Our best strategy is to plan a response proportionate to the attack; choosing our reaction carefully will help us win the war against this social virus.

*Originally published by the Manila Bulletin. Written by Ruben Anlacan, Jr. (President, BusinessCoach, Inc.) All rights reserved. May not be reproduced or copied without express written permission of the copyright holders.

Wrong Turn..

Being into Politics is not something I am regretful about, but, in one way or another it is something which if I had enough time to think over again, I should have not engaged into it.

Public Service is a noble act. It is the most expensive gift that you can offer to your motherland and countrymen. However, it is also the fire that keeps burning to flame up hatred and downfall, it is root of all evil.

ROSS..

After reading a certain post in my FB's wall, I didn't notice that tears were actually flowing from my eys.. its says:

Having read this article I realized that God really loves me so much to have given Ross in my life.. He is the most wonderful person I have met.

Lahat ng sinabi sa post na to were all true about us.. Ross is exactly the man in here..the closest person to my heart that knows me more than I knew myself.. the person I love and will always love to be with kahit saan ako pumunta.

He had seen the worst side of me and yet loving me dearly after all...

Then there was Jake..

The wind blows from beyond the corners of my imagination, suddenly there was a stranger who took the courage to enter my elusive life..

Blissful Night Facades

A not so traditional friendship sprouted from misunderstanding and arguments. I really find him so arrogant resulting that all of his transactions were taken care of me personally, making sure that everything has been set in manner that he can't say anything against my management.

Rain pours, I was left no where, I didn't know the place, the night falls so deep, striving to be back at the base, I felt so helpless, for a woman to travel in a strange place late night while heavy rain falls..it was a real disaster. 

Then there was Jake...

Receiving a call from him is something isn't expected. His words were so comforting. Asking me where am I, if am okay amidst heavy rain. I felt relieve. I felt also ashamed of myself for judging his personality.

The friendship we have is being nurtured until today, we agreed to keep it secret in spite of the rumors every time he is visiting Manila, am so blessed and really loved by the Lord for giving me the gift of friendship with him..and every time, my work does not fit at all..that stormy night reminds me that..

there was Jake.

Encrypted Goodbye

Dear Kyle,

Thank you for inspiring me in many ways, I may not be there to keep in touch, to return the favors, but as I have mentioned in my previous blogs, my prayers goes with you, that there be many patients be inspired by you.

I know, there were words left unspoken and things left undone but if you can still remember, part of our short conversation where I mentioned that sometimes, having a sarcastic humor pays a lot. You really inspires me in many ways.

Now, I have to go back from the time you weren't there. May God Bless all your ways, thank you so much for dropping by, now it's time for encrypted good bye..

Best Regards,
Carmi

Joker's Jag...

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa araw na ito pero pakiramdam ko napakabigat. Siguro kasi, nararamdaman ko na that my heart plans to quit in this job. 

It's just hurting when people judge you when they does not even know an inch of your true self, but of course I wont blame them for that. My job requires me to be the most wicked and hated persona in the workplace. Of course, am not using my page to defend my self, its just really sad when the person stabbing your back is actually the person whom you care a lot. Isn't that nice of her?

There were millions of things for her to say that, but I will just name a few reasons why I perfectly understand why is she doing those stuff.

Naming a few:

1. She's just insecure, why not, am much prettier and admired than her.. ;)

2. Am not a trying hard Fashionista.

3. My body simply has its curves, without effort.

4. My skin is more radiant than her.

5. I work hard and get noticed by the management in a short period of time...hmm how many years does she's been with us? hahahaha!!! ;)

6. I am loved by many.

7. I can speak well and communicate efficiently.

8. I can stand firm with my decisions.

9. I have my own office.

10. I have what it takes to be at the top while looking at her down below.

hehe..;p 

See, I can be bad...very bad at times..its either you hate me or you love me, byways, I'm not gonna please you to like me..I have as much as many reasons to keep moving..

Rainbow in my Clouds

Sobrang dami kong gustong isulat, pakiramdam ko nga sa sobrang dami,  it was framed beyond words. Sa ngayon, am starting again for another series of medical consultations, honestly, seeing a doctor really frightens me,pakiramdam ko lalo akong magkakasakit but I know that theres just no other way to enlighten me of the illnesses and body pains except to seek for medical consultation.

Am just glad that someone is there to assure me of the things I cannot understand clearly about my health condition, ayokong isipin na grabe or sakit talaga yung mga nararamdaman ko, mas gusto kong sabihin categorically that I was just burnt out since I work really hard at sa napakahabang panahon, nakalimutan ko yung sarili ko. I have been very insensitive about my health and now, am facing the consequences.

This afternoon, I undergone another laboratory requests from the doctor, masaya ako if malalaman ko ulit that the results were all negative and normal kahit na somehow it will confuse me kasi nga alam kong am not really fine.

During these trying times, I still Thank the Good Lord for giving me the wisdom to walk in the righteous path. For giving me people who stays right beside me keeping me smiling, inspiring me everyday and unknowingly encouraging me to be well and pretty enjoy life to its fullest. To the persons who keeps me company during the down times, they were indeed a bessing in my life. 

Short conversations taught me great lessons, I realized that sometimes, strangers plays a very important characters in our live's chapters. 

Thank you for the courage and inspiration to move on...

" when you're away, I know you're thinking of me..

  when you're not here, I know your spirit soars with me..

  when I need you, you rescue me..

  because you're always there for me...

  you are the rainbow,

  you are the rainbow in my clouds...."

CRY for Help....

She's taken my time
Convince me she's fine
But when she leaves I'm not so sure
it's always the same
she's playing her game
And when she goes I feel to blame
Why won't she say she needs me?
I know she's not as strong as she seems 


Why don't I see her cry for help?
Why don't I feel her cry for help?
Why don't I hear her cry for help?
 
I wandered around
The streets of this town
Trying to find sense of it all
The rain on my face
It covers the trace
Of all the tears I'd had to waste
Why must we hide emotions?
Why must we never break down and cry?  

                           All that I need is to cry for help
                            Somebody please hear me cry for help
                            All I can do is cry for help

                                No need to feel ashamed
                                Release the pain cry for help
                                Cry for help is all I need
                               All I need is a cry for help
                               Cry for help is all I need
                              All I need is a cry for help

Why must we hide emotions?
Why can't we ever break down and cry?

                           All that I need is to cry for help
                   I will be there when you cry for help
           Why don't I hear her cry for help?

          All that I need is to cry for help
                  Somebody please hear me cry for help
                        All I can do is cry for help

         All that I need is to cry for help
         I will be there when you cry for help
         Is it so hard to cry for help?
Cry for help is all I need
All I need is a cry for help
Cry for help is all I need
All I need is a cry for help
                         Cry for help is all I need
                        All I need is a cry for help
                        Cry for help is all I need
                        All I need is a cry for help

                                 Cry for help is all I need
                                All I need is a cry for help
                                Cry for help

DAMN!

BULLSHIT!!! 

Bakit may mga natatanggap sa trabaho kahit BOBO!!!!

PILGRIM's THEME.. ;)

nice ;)

Kapag sinabi ko bang ayoko na, pakakawalan mo ba ako?

I love what am doing, everything seems like a perfect pieces of puzzle fits into place. Everything except salary? hahahaha!

I honestly don't know how to write the thoughts that keeps on bothering me.I cannot withstand the fact that am no longer happy in terms of remuneration package being received from my company. I must admit that what keeps me holding back is the friendship and the passion of my team which is evident everyday. 

Ilang beses kong iniwasang isulat ang bagay na ito but I really can't help it. Sa totoo lang hindi ko naman din talaga alam kung salary lang ba talaga ang problema ko or is it really the system that I am getting tired of.

Yung pakiramdam that you are floating in the air with no direction at all seems really is a burden. Yung tipong independent ka and completely alone. Hindi ko na alam pero honestly ang tagal ko nang gustong itanong to eh..

"Pag sinabi ko bang ayoko na, pakakawalan mo ba ako?"  ;)

Second Chances

 Remember that the reason why Jonas experienced this major obstacle is when he disobey God on the order to went to Ninive and preach the Gospel. Instead, he went to Tharsis,  a place across Ninive. In the middle of his journey, God sent storm and he was lurked by a fish.After realizing his disobedience to God, he prayed in the deepest of his heart..then God saved him and order him again to preach in Ninive... 

God is giving us second chances..that is how Omniscient and Forgiving He is.

Jonah 2:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

2 ^1 [a]From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. ² He said:

“In my distress I called to the Lord,
    and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.

³ You hurled me into the depths,
    into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
    swept over me.

⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
    from your sight;
yet I will look again
    toward your holy temple.’

⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me,^[b]
    the deep surrounded me;
    seaweed was wrapped around my head.

⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
    the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God,
    brought my life up from the pit. 

⁷ “When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple. 

⁸ “Those who cling to worthless idols
    turn away from God’s love for them.

⁹ But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
    will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
    I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”

¹⁰ And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

 

 

LEGO: The Classic Brain Twister

Sunday seems to be the busiest day at SM Mall of Asia, thousands of people here and everywhere having their "me-time" with their love ones. The family bonding is still the best part of long weekends. As we stroll though every nook of the place, I have notice a beautiful LEGO Town built at the center of the Mall. I was really amazed by how it was meticulously assembled as a little town.

Having seen the beautiful creation, I started to travel back in time, wondering if someone does not knew Lego, he/she may not have passed his/her childhood life. but for the sake of those who have no idea what is LEGO is, I tried to phrase some of my stored knowledge about the game.

LEGO building bricks are hard plastic construction blocks, with studs on them so they stay tightly together. They come in many shapes and forms and are great to play with.

Last Sunday, together with my cousin, we witness the Fireman Lego Building at SM Mall of Asia. It was mostly participated by kids together with their attending guardians. And yes! it was really a whole lot of fun creating different figures and even anime were also been created through building dice of Lego.

While all participants were busy with their crafts, these LEGO Contest Organizers were also busy building the main character of the event..The LEGO Fireman.

After finishing the nighty-gritty head of the fireman, it is now set to established a full figure of a Lego-Fireman. 

Having witness the building of this craft, there were Lego parts which has been falling while they are trying to fit in the body. It can be considered the staff's concern while building their fireman since several times misalignment of the body and the head has been figured out.

And after patience and hardwork, presto! they are able to built the LEGO Fireman. 

But hey, there was one thing I failed to assume, hmmm..am thinking how many LEGO (dice) has been used in building this huge Fireman... hehehe..;)

At the end of the day, the most rewarding part for me is the building of my old time friendship with my cool and handsome cousin..hey! we have not seen each other for the past 7 years! hahaha!!! love you cuz!

DETOUR

When I was in Highshool, I clearly remember that by the month of February, a lot of Slum Books and Autograph Notebooks has been sold out in the market, simply because of Valentines and Graduation. In the lower part of these books (if I remember it right) there was a question goes like asking who are your friends or sort of what is friendship means or who was your best friend. Funny and silly thoughts of me.

This article maybe rude and sarcastically written, but hey! don't get it wrong this is a free flowing of thoughts and blotted ink. As I am picking broken pieces of the thoughts and experiences I have had lately from having medical consultations and problems sort of personal issues I have realized many things but the core of the realization boils down to a certain question which actually hurts me for I can't actually find the answer..

What is Friendship?

As I remember my days from elementary to high school up to college, I remember I had acquaintances and friends. The first ones are those people who just abruptly drop by and gives lesson through experiences but never with have close attachment with me. The second were the people whom I shared my personal life with, people who loves me and are part of me when am wearing my house clothes without anything for projection.

And so, these friends were taken care of ever since, they were kept into a treasure box for decades. 

But hey! lately, it's as if I was hit by a train, when I realize that, there were few who stays with me, who keeps in touch, who still treat me as part of their daily lives and who still care even if my work load have melted my entirety. Then I start opening my treasure box and found out that these two souls remain there.

1. Ross (my prayer-buddy and ever loving boyfriend)

2. Ed (my comrade through trials and triumphs)

3. who else? duh!

Funny, but it really pains me to know that these two persona did exist when I am almost at lost. These two body fixes everything which everyone thought was unbreakable.

There were "friends" whom I called up several times but to no avail. A girl, who always posts happy thoughts of her relationship and is now getting married which in fact, cannot even remember me as part of her plans, thoughts when am just a text away. Sad thing is that, when you were together, other names is being use to addressed you. (funny, but it hurts!)

Of course, I know the fact that these friends were not oblige to stay nor think of me everyday, they have their own lives, own miseries, own struggles, own everything..except remembering me.

Talking to someone made me realize that yeah, I did live a good life. A good daughter, a good servant of church, a good ignorant. damn it!

Am taking turns now, if only I can bring back time, I should have not live a life that is safe and ideal. I should have not build fences of idealism and impossibilities. It should have been a fearless and adventurous one.

I should have been more sensitive to acquaintances, I should've been more cautious about keeping the old ones.

For real, I do not believe anymore in the saying that goes;

 "It's not the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of friendship build along the way"

Sometimes, it is in the quantity of people around you that can build bridges of comfort, of new sense of direction and a rejuvenating soul after the storm..

I should fear not.. the road is under repair..DETOUR.

An Empty Vessel

There are points in our lives where we feel more important than others. We feel as if we are superior above all else, we tend to forget the reality that all of what we have was actually not ours but just an accountability that in the end of time will be submitted back to the Owner.

Everyday, I admit imperfections, am not perfect, I am human, I get hurt, I get even, I get angry, I get mad, I am weak, I have infirmities, but God always search me, He knows my ways for He does loves me. God is so good to embrace me with His stubborn love.

These shortcomings and imperfections remind me that I am nothing without God who strengthens me. I am an empty vessel longing to be filled by His spirit, by His wisdom, by His guidance..I am an empty vessel..I am nothing compared to what He is. And this reality is indeed a blessing that reminds me that my life has to be spent according to His will. 

Amidst success, achievements, fame and authority, I still bow my knees at the end of the day, lifting my hand, praising Him for I am Empty without His guidance. I am nothing without God. And I really don't know how to thank Him for all that He has done.

I will be singing and prasing Him, a hymmn of praise. And as long as I am reminded of my Emptyness, my voice will be raise solely to sing HIS PRAISES.. for that is my saving grace..